A Wee-Wentz

We all know what Ashlee and Pete did after 80's prom night....

I have to be honest, the thought of a Wee-Wentz makes me shudder. These are two people who get on every nerve I have, and a little person who will be the combination of these two...I can't think of anything worse.

WHAH?!

I must be seeing things because 1) his hair color is atrocious (it's Ryan Adams if you couldn't tell) and 2) Mandy?? This doesn't make sense to me. She's a goody-goody. They don't go together. I find this very upsetting.

I know they're married now, but...

Matching bangs? It's a bit much...

Here comes...Sue E?

This past weekend Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz made it official at her parents' home in California. The reception was an "Alice in Wonderland" themed event complete with Mad Hatter Hat on the cake. I'm sure it was a lovely event, not really my taste, but lovely nonetheless.



The Simpson/Wentz nuptials got me to thinking about weddings. And since themed weddings seem to be all of the rage these days, I'm sure a wedding like the one I am about to describe would not disappoint.



If I were planning a wedding, I'd be sure to plan it as follows. And you all owe me one loud Sooooie!



Venue - Ah, the venue. Perhaps the most important decision the bride will make. The venue determines the feel of the wedding. Formal, casual, semi-formal? The venue tells all. That's why I would make sure my wedding took place at Donald W. Reynold's Razorback Stadium on the 50 yard line of Frank Broyles field.



Apparel - Another very important decision and one that can get very costly...but have no fear, when you are a b-dazzling queen, no event is too large for you. Bridesmaids should wear cutoff jean skirts, with a t-shirt, b-dazzled specially for them. "I'm with groomsman #"(corresponding football number) will be on the back of each shirt.

And the groomsmen shouldn't have to worry with a pesky tux. Just launder up your football jersey and wear it with some khakis and we're in business folks.



Flowers - Homecoming Mum Corsages anyone?



As for the music, why hire a professional band when you have "The Best in Sight in Sound," right in your backyard? The groom and all of his men will walk out to the fight song, they'll hit that line, hit that line and (if he's smart) keep on going...while the bridal party will walk out accompanied by "Hey Baby." Classic tunes if you ask me.



After the I do's this party moves into the locker room! The groom's cake (a razorback, of course) would sit on the training table and guests will be served "Rebel Devil Eggs" and "Tangy Tiger Treats" for refreshments. The bride and groom should enjoy their first dance as husband and wife to the triumphant, "O Lord, it's hard to be humble, when your an Arkansas Razorback fan" changing the words to "O, Lord it's hard to be humble, when you marry a Razorback man..."



After a few rousing rounds of calling the hogs, the couple should be off for their honeymoon, riding away with a "Just Married" sign attached to their red VW bug.

Now what?

How am I supposed to fill the Hills-shaped void on Mondays? It's just not the same. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to watch the Sex and the City movie and subsequently all the SATC DVDs all over again.

Also heading our way in August, comes a spin on "My Super Sweet 16," the show in which bratty kids from all over the country are thrown ridiculously extravagant sweet 16 birthday parties by their incredibly wealthy parents. This new show gets interesting when the brats that we've seen in past seasons are revisited, only this time, they're getting served!

"My Super Sweet 16: Exiled" will follow several of the show's former stars and give them a reality check by sending them to remote areas of the world like Africa and the frozen tundra of the Arctic Circle. Oh yeah, b*tches! Those catty divas are getting what they deserve! They will have to spend their time abroad with girls their own age to see how they live. Trust me, it ain't gonna be pretty. And I can hardly wait to watch!

That's a wrap.

Here we go, it's the end of another year of bad decisions, blank stares and relationship vacations. The Hills season finale is finally here! Just about everyone got some screen time (the back of the head is Whitney) and it really felt great to see everyone one last time before the break. Be. Strong. Here we go!

Audrina is taking Justin Bobby's advice and looking into getting her own apartment. Her first stop is an open loft with an awesome wall of windows. Sober J.Bob is totally zen with life. He is actually making reasonable arguments about why Audrina should consider moving out. It's odd. Audrina has yet to talk to Lauren about possibly moving out. I see a heart-to-heart in her future. Could Lauren be saying goodbye to another roommate at the end of a season?

Spencer has taken up residence in casa Heidi and since she's still in Vegas, she probably doesn't mind too much. ShePratt offers to tell him where Heidi is and he "promises not to do anything crazy." Question: does anything Spencer ever promises to do end up coming to fruition? The answer, simply, is no. He's gonna screw things up royally for her. And he's taking ShePratt with him!

Heidi and Brent are taking a tour of the casino/hotel with Sam in an effort to reinvent the place. Heidi is the driving force behind this retooling and that's scary, but she does seem to be taking it seriously. I'm sure it's a lot easier to get work done when your psychotic boyfriend/fiance isn't constantly interrupting everything you're doing.

Lauren and Whitney talk about the sitch with Audrina and Whit suggests a "roommate dinner" to talk about any issues that are brewing among the girls. Kinda cheesy, but it's a good idea to at least talk to Audrina since Lauren never sees her. Apparently the guest house is like a whole other world.

The Pratts are hitting up Vegas. ShePratt totally screws Heidi and finds out where she is (via random phone call) and Spencer then drives right to the hotel, parks the car in the loading area (leaving ShePratt there by herself) and runs inside. He continues his jackassery by interrupting Heidi, Sam, Brent and some other dude and asks for "a word with" Heidi outside. I am embarrassed for Heidi right now. Speidi fight and Spencer admits that he wants them to get back together and Heidi yells at him for not loving her enough to understand that she's in an important meeting for her career. He then begs her to come back to LA with him. Cut to Heidi walking back to Brent and the boys just as they are leaving for the night. After Brent tells Heidi to get her sh*t together ("You only get one chance with Sam"), he leaves and now Heidi's alone with her head in her hands.

The "roommate dinner" idea fails because either Lauren didn't make the invite expressly clear to Audrina, or Audrina had other plans that she didn't mention to Lauren. As Lauren and Lo are making the meal, Audrina heads out on her own, leaving the girls bewildered. Lauren decides that they need to have a heart-to-heart. Duh, I called it.

Back in Vegas, Brent is waiting for Heidi to show up, but Sam pulls up and tells him they need to go. Brent tries calling one more time, to no avail, so they leave. What happens next will shock you: Heidi, Spencer and ShePratt riding down the escalator at the airport, getting ready to head back to LA. I have too many problems with this scenario to even begin to list, but most important is why didn't she call Brent and explain or apologize for BEING AN IDIOT?!! Seriously? This girl better be getting fired.

Here comes the heart-to-heart. It starts out casually enough, but Audrina has been harboring some resentment towards Lauren and Lo and when that surfaces it comes as a real surprise to Lauren, who didn't realize that she had done anything wrong. Audrina says that she feels that Lo is pushing them apart, and Lauren starts to cry, since she and Lo are BFF. Obviously, Audrina isn't going to win in a battle over who gets to hang out with Lauren all the time, and it seems as if Audrina can't handle being second fiddle. Sadly, Lauren seems to know what has to happen next and walks out, back into her apartment with Lo.

At the same time, Speidi pull up to the old apartment. They BOTH go inside. It looks like the dramatic (read: ridiculous) gesture worked for Heidi. Maybe she just needed to know just how crazy Spencer was before she got back together with him. They're both insane.

And that's it. Another season over. I'll also be watching the Hills live after show because apparently they are going to play a sneak peak "shocking" trailer for season four.

UPDATE: Shocking? Definitely not. Same ol' sh*t, different day? Sounds about right. Lauren enters the dating scene again; Audrina and Lo have a confrontation about the whole Lauren thing; Scary lady talks to Whitney about moving to NYC; Spencer vows never to speak with ShePratt again after he throws her a bday party (she invited Lauren); and blank stares aplenty! Oh, and it starts in AUGUST! What?! That's insane - we hardly have to wait at all!

JJ Mayiston

I'm gone for just 10 days and this happens....

It's a weird pairing to me. What do you think?

Now, just pretend you don't hate each other...

First, a quick note about the Rolling Stone cover featuring the ladies of The Hills. Have you all seen this yet? I read it one day while perusing some merchandise at a local bookstore (I didn't buy it, so sue me). The article was fine, whatever, no new revelations or anything. But what is interesting is that all the girls were present at the same time for the shoot. Lauren and Heidi were apparently on "best behavior" during. The cover pic they choose is weird. Lauren isn't even looking at the camera and Whitney is practically falling down. Plus, there's Heidi. Ugh. What is this, Maxim? Give me a break with the sex kitten stuff, Heidi. We don't want to see your duck lips pouting anymore. Enough is enough! And on to the recap...

Another day at work for Bolthouse Industries. Heidi approaches Brent about relocating to another Bolthouse office. Brent dishes her some serious BS about being actively involved in a hotel/casino in Vegas. Code for: move to Vegas and pretend to work for us to get us more publicity! Nice work, Montag.

Those b*tches have their own pool! Lo and Lauren are sunning themselves and Audrina comes out to tell them how she's hanging out with Alkaline Trio. She politely invites them to come and see her for a bit in the afternoon and Lo clearly hates this idea because her face looks like she just ate a lemon. Hates it. PS. Alkaline Trio? Gimme a break, Audrina.

Sweet, Alkaline Trio are recording their album and Audrina and her work friend are pretending to be into it. Lauren and Lo stay for about 5 seconds. I don't really blame them. The music sucks and they are just standing there awkwardly. So Lo pouts until she gets to leave and go get some food. While they are eating sushi they talk about how it's hard to talk to Audrina. It's clear that Lo is the new Audrina. I'll go ahead and say it: good riddance!

ShePratt heads over to Heidi's place and gets the word on Heidi's new job. ShePratt feels sorry for her bro because "they are perfect for each other," which may be true since I don't know two other terrible people that I'd like to fix either of them up with. But mostly it's because if Heidi leaves then ShePratt will be stuck with him! That would suck for her. Heidi makes ShePratt promise not to tell Spencer. That's not happening. Duh. She practically texts him while they're still talking.

OMG! A puppy! She's adorable, as all puppies are. The shocker comes when Lo says that "in puppy school, she's gonna be like, 'I have TWO mommies'" and Audrina looks as if she will burst into tears.

I can't recap this next scene because I hate Spencer so much, but basically ShePratt tells Spencer to "stop being such a jerk and eating all our steak" (OK, that's from Napoleon Dynamite) and move out. He continues to call HER pathetic (wow) and tell her that he can't wait to move out. Well, you've waited quite a bit already, now haven't you? He's the worst.

J.Bob's in the house! He's talking coherently and it's throwing me off. It looks like Audrina is feeling awkward living there and J.Bob convinces her to look into other places.

Oh Lord. Brent and that other Bolthouse dude pull up to the PLANE (as in on the runway) and take off to Vegas. Meanwhile, Spencer pulls up to the old apartment with a duffle bag only to find that Heidi's not there. Oh snap. This is awesome. He's sad. He calls ShePratt to see what the dealio is and I will admit that I'm surprised (and delighted) that ShePratt didn't tell him that Heidi was leaving. And you know that he's heading to Vegas...

Next week: Season finale!! Guess who's going to Vegas to ruin Heidi's life AND her job?! He's an awesome guy, huh? Audrina talks to Lauren about Lo breaking up their friendship. Lauren cries. I will be tuning in.

Will you be my boyfriend?

It took Lo and Lauren about 5 seconds to find and buy a house. They take Audrina there to show her around and let her know she'll be staying in the guest house. She seems cool with it, but it's kind of weird.

Lauren and Lo dish over lunch about Stephen Coletti (LC's old flame from Laguna Beach), who's in town for the weekend. He might make an appearance at the housewarming. Lo is super excited!

Cut to a coffee house where Spencer is sitting by himself on the couch. When ShePratt shows up she says, "You're always here..." and that's just sad. He's pathetic. ShePratt breaks the news that she's going to Lauren's housewarming party. Spencer doesn't take it well, obviously, and acts like a jerk.

It's the night of the housewarming party and the ladies are prepping for the guests. As they talk about who was invited, Audrina gets super defensive when Lauren asks her to "rewind" and tell her about Justin Bobby. The previews make it out to look like Lauren thinks that it's weird that Audrina invited J.Bob, when in fact, with the entire scene shown, it's only that she's curious about how often they've been hanging out. I think that J.Bob has already brain-washed Audrina into thinking that it's no one's business when they hang out. But the thing is, when you live with 2 of your good girlfriends, they are going to want to know about your boyfriend. So, you'd better be prepared to talk about him! I doubt that this living situation thing is going to last.

Party time! Brody is there with the new gf, Cora! He brought a juicer...it's awkward.

ShePratt tells Heidi about wanting to go to Lauren's party. Heidi freaks out and starts spouting off about "loyalty" and "being shady" and sounds exactly like Spencer. ShePratt finally feels guilty enough to hang out with Heidi instead of going to Lauren's party. It's kind of sad, but at the same time, she and Lauren can't realistically be good friends, so I'm fine with it.

Minus a point for Lo who says, "Brody's girlfriend's very pretty, with very large breasts." OK....ummmm, that may be true, but don't say it right to Lauren's face as if she still doesn't love Brody! What was she thinking?! Stephen arrives (chewing gum like a cow chews cud) and they set the scene with Leona Lewis' Bleeding Love (that songs rules!). Stephen finds Lauren and seriously won't stop chomping on the gum. It's sort of awkward, because the gum is a complete giveaway that he's nervous. If only he had come in the party all confident - Lauren would have fallen right back in love with him. Hmmm, I never thought I would say this, but Stephen could take some pointers from Justin Bobby. Not on the attire (I hope that picture is available for this post! *Update: It wasn't. Stupid MTV.), but on the confidence. He walks in like he owns the place, and it obviously makes Audrina fall back in love with him.

Audrina and JB talk about the drama that will inevitably come back into the picture if they start hanging out again. Chill out with worrying about it, dude! He gets so upset that people want to know about him. Stephen seems to have calmed down and he and Lauren catch up a bit. Lauren says, "You know when you go home and you just feel so comfortable? I just want this home to feel like that" and he totally doesn't get it, and says something about decorating it and making it "Lauren-esque" and it's not even about that. It's about wanting to go home and see the people that you live with and not feel uncomfortable in your own place. With Audrina there, it's awkward and forced now. Not homey at all. She forgives him enough to talk about a future lunch together.

Looks like lunch has turned into a dinner date! Lauren is super fancy in her drapey gown (from her own fashion line??) and Stephen shows up wearing a hoodie. Nice. At least he's stopped with the gum. Well, well...we've got some Daughtry in the background ("Feels Like Tonight" eh?) and they are dining at a nice Italian restaurant. They start talking about how everyone (Lo and their moms) was giving them a hard time about hanging out with each other that night. Then Stephen busts out with the rhetorical, "Can't I just hang out with a good friend and have it just be platonic?" Lauren looks devastated. Whatever, they are both in denial. They both want to date the other one, they just don't want to admit it! Flirty smirks are exchanged in the car on the way home. Just stop the charade!

Lo's back in my good graces, because she's such the curious friend and it's impossible not to laugh at how nosey and curious she is about Lauren and Stephen's date. Lauren admits that it was good to see him, but that it feels like high school when they're together. And Lo says, "Well maybe one day it will work out and you'll get married. Because that's what I really want!!" Lo is the best cast member on this show. Period.

Next time: Lauren gets a PUPPY! ShePratt kicks Spencer out! Audrina thinks about moving out! And Heidi kicks it to Vegas with Brent Bolthouse! Don't miss it!

I'm gonna be sick

OMG. What is THIS?! First, they are invited to the the White House Correspondents' Association Dinner (no joke) and now they are scheduling photo ops in DC?! This has got to stop!! The saddest thing about Speidi is that all of their photos are so staged. Even if other "celebs" tip off the paparazzi to their whereabouts, they at least act like they are surprised to see them there. Spencer and Heidi have pose-offs with each other that look completely ridiculous. I don't get it, and I don't get them.

PS. WHY are they still together?!?!

PPS. Heidi needs to quit with the high-waisted shorts. ASAP.

That's not true.

Yeah. It's an old photo. But I can't stand to look at Heidi's new face anymore, so deal with it. On to the recap!

While folding clothes, Whitney and Lauren dish about Audrina and Heidi hanging out. Lauren's not down with Heidi hanging out in her old apt, and it seems like its putting a strain on her current roommate sitch. Anyway, the girls are back together AGAIN at People's Revolution working for Satan herself.

Lo's back and they're all going out! Lo makes a huge faux paus and says, "Maybe ShePratt will bring Heidi!" Stone-faced by both Audrina and Lauren. Apparently they are not in the mood to joke about this serious matter.

Heidi has a closet full of hooker clothes and especially hooker shoes. She looks so cheap now. She is excited about possibly running into Lauren at the club because she's delusional and doesn't realize that Lauren is actually mad at her.

Enter the club and both sets of girls are in separate areas. Lauren leaves to get some champagne and Heidi pounces!! Heidi has just seen Justin Bobby (!!!!) and needs to tell Audrina right away that he's in the club. So, she heads over and tells Audrina that she will keep him away from her. Then, Lauren comes back to find that Heidi's all up in her spot. THEN, Justin Bobby shows up and Heidi stands up and says, "Hey Justin!" and scoots over so he can sit next to Audrina! This right after Audrina told Heidi that she has been trying really hard to get over him. Heidi is just a crappy friend and she doesn't even realize it.

Heidi is so desparate for friends, she's chatting up Justin Bobby and telling him about how her and Audrina were friends before Lauren and Audrina. Yeah, uhh, we all get it. You've told us a thousand times! Lauren can hear all this (since she's only 2 people away) and she gets up to leave. She and Lo head out and Audrina gets cozy with J.Bob. Trouble.

Did you all watch the Fresh Takes episode?? "Hello, Hot Toddy, anyone?!"

Lo and Lauren talk about getting a "house for all the girls" because Lauren needs to get out of the apartment. They talk about inviting Audrina to live with them and Lauren will ask Audrina when she gets back from dinner with JUSTIN BOBBY. To quote Lo, "That's not true!" But, I guess it is true. And Lo responds with an even better quote, "Maybe Audrina will bring Heidi AND Justin Bobby to the new house! ... (shaking finger) That's not allowed."

Oh, man. First J.Bob quote of the night:
Audrina - "Mmmm, you smell good!"
J.Bob - "Really? I haven't showered in weeks."

You have been missed, JB. JB has moved closer to the beach, getting his priorities in check. Uhh...JB seems almost coherent. This is too weird. He's actually looking Audrina in the eye and having a decent conversation. I'm so confused!

Surprise! Spencer's hanging out at the apartment alone watching TV. Heidi arrives to see ShePratt and she tries to cover and ask Spencer how he's doing. He doesn't buy it and she gets uncomfortable. She tells him how Lauren was "icy" to her the other night and he has no sympathy for her at all. Shocking. He's such a loser. Heidi stays for about 2 minutes and then leaves because that's about how long it takes for Spencer to anger anyone to the point of wanting to be in a different room.

OK, the next scene takes place at a restaurant - Lo and Lauren are lunching and waiting for Audrina to arrive. They say funny things and Lo is officially my favorite cast member. I hope they do get a house because then she'd probably be in every episode and that's good TV, people. When Audrina gets there it gets SUPER awkward and Audrina gets defensive about J.Bob and the mention of moving into a new house. And this is where I yell at the TV, "Stop the charade! You had a great run, but things are changing. If you get a house together it will only destroy the friendship!" But, of course, Audrina accepts the invitation to move in and it's incredibly awkward because now Audrina feels like the odd-man-out. This is not going to be pretty.

Next week: House hunting! House warming parties! Justin Bobby gets a haircut! AND Stephen from Laguna Beach returns which "warms Lo's little black heart!"

Gracie and Gabbie

Gracie and Gabbie week one. Gracie hates Gabbie, can't you tell? Note Andrew's hand forcing Gracie to cuddle Gabbie and the very sad look on our normally very happy dog's face.











Gabbie's second bath. She hates it. She looks like a drowned rat. Look at her huge nose and her ears.











Gabbie loves to play with Gracie. And Gracie is warming up to her. I think Grace likes having the company when we're not at the house.











Here is a picture of Gabbie posing. She's pretty cute.











I apologize for the lousy formatting. You guys are welcome to fix it or just leave it be - Clearly, I chose to leave it be.

A Tearful Goodbye

This week marked the end of a marvelous TV show - Rob & Big. Big moved out because he had to make a home for his new baby. Rob was completely surprised to hear the news, as Big so eloquently put it: "A little lavender, a little lovin', Now you got a little Big in the oven." Funny.

I'm not sure who decided to have a camera crew follow these two around, but it was a great decision. I almost shed a tear when Big drove off last night. Who knew I could care so much about a little skater dude and his humongo body guard?

Jessica's Gonna Lose It!

Oh, man. Not only is little Ashlee Simpson getting married soon - but apparently, it'll be a shotgun weddin', y'all! She's preggers. Her fiance Pete Wentz initially denied the rumors in such a way that I almost think that he didn't even know Ashlee was prego.

"There is a witch hunt for people to be pregnant whenever they get engaged in Hollywood," he wrote to MTV News Monday. "This is all news to me. I can't wait for the story about how I'm really in a gay relationship and this is all just a cover ... I mean really, this is crazy ... I mean we're engaged, that's true, and happy about it."

Wow. So, not only did he not know about the bun in the oven, but apparently he's trying to hide a gay relationship? Why did that come up? Do you think the interviewer was like, "Wait, what?" And then Pete said, "I mean, uhhhh...gotta go!!"

Maybe there's a "witch hunt" in Hollywood for pregnancies because EVERYONE in Hollywood is pregnant right now. Seriously. And the typical "first comes love, then comes marriage, blah, blah baby carriage" rhyme doesn't always fly in H-wood. I'm happy for Ashlee and Pete (I guess), but I think it's tacky to flat out lie about a pregnancy and try and blame reporters for making up stories.

"How can you love and hate someone so much at the same time?"

Ah. The eternal question. I've often asked myself the same thing while simultaneously enjoying an episode of The Hills and wanting to strangle all of the girls for acting so stupid. I guess some questions must go unanswered!


We begin in familiar territory: Heidi is begging Audrina to be her friend and join her for "Girls Night Out." You can tell that Audrina doesn't really want to go, but she says yes anyway. Mistake #1. Mistake #2 would be actually going, instead of just pretending to get sick or something. Regardless, they are at S Bar and lo and behold, Spencer himself shows up! I wonder who could have told him? Hmmm...perhaps his current roommate/sister who, for some strange reason, hasn't kicked him out of her apartment yet. Long story short, Spencer flirts with a couple girls at the bar and Heidi looks like she's gonna cut a b*tch. After about 3 TV minutes (probably 2 hours in real life), Heidi confronts Spencer and they have an argument about whether or not Spencer was really flirting and whether or not they are still together. Heidi gets so mad that she says, "I'm about to cry," to which I must argue that your face probably doesn't produce natural tears anymore, so your crying days are over.

Lauren heads to People's Revolution and you can tell from the first minute she's in there that she's scared to death of Kelly Cutrone. She doesn't even want to see her at all. I can't really blame her, since I am frightened to death of her and there's an entire TV world separating us. Anyway, after initially berating her slow progress, KC tells Lauren that she will need her for the runway show tomorrow. Oh, and I think I might have a new least favorite minor character (your days are over, Work Friend) - Jessica from People's Revolution. Uhm, how dumb is she? Seriously, I can't even imagine how she has lasted this long working for Cutrone! She doesn't strike me as someone willing to give people a second chance. Anyway, Jessica always looks as if she has no clue what anyone is talking about.

Work Friend (she's baaack!) and Heidi have a heart to heart about the terrible night before. This is when Heidi mutters, "How can you love and hate someone so much at the same time?" to which Eric (who was making fun of the show most of the time) responded: "I want people to be afraid of how much they love me." Great, Heidi is the next Michael Scott! Heidi ends up calling Spencer to come over and talk and all they do is fight about whether or not they are actually still together. You'd think that they could come to a decision about this, but it doesn't seem that they do. It's Ross and Rachel all over again!!

The fashion show (which was attended by Kirstie Alley!) goes great and the girls get some praise from Cutrone. She calls Whit a "b*tch is training" and she offers Lauren a job on the spot. Lauren is genuinely surprised, but accepts the offer, to which Cutrone responds, "We plan on making some major changes in our LA office." Cut to Jessica, mouth agape, who maybe senses that someone might have said something that could involve her...but probably not. She's so outta there.

Just one episode tonight girls, which I will say, is a relief. Recapping those one hour eps is time-consuming!

Next week: 2 words. Justin Bobby. See you then.

Greatest picture ever

How is this not framed in all of our houses?

This is my upset face

So, I just finished watching the newest episodes of The Hills, and I really only have one question: Why did the fighting start in the first place?

Seriously, no one has ever come out and said that they were to blame for anything, so it's all just hearsay, and that means that no one's on the same page. Heidi still thinks that Lauren's mad at her because of Spencer. Well, yes...but mostly, no. Heidi was the one who moved out and started to ignore Lauren as a friend. But the straw that broke the camel's back was the infamous sex tape rumor, which Lauren believes was started by Spencer and Heidi. Spencer was definitely at fault, and while Heidi might not have started it, she didn't do anything to stop him from spreading it. So, there. That's why they are fighting. And all the auxiliary people who are in on it, are only "fighting" because they are trying to stay loyal to their friends. And, in this case, that means everyone sided with Lauren because, really, who wants to be friends with someone who will do something that terrible to a person? Not me!

So, in this episode we see just how pissed Spencer and Heidi can get at ShePratt for hanging out with Lauren...plus, how confused Audrina, Lo and Brody are that Lauren has decided to be friends with the devil's sister. In all honesty, I have to side with Lauren's friends on this one. Even if ShePratt isn't a terrible person, she has so much baggage that comes along with being her friend. For one thing - she's Spencer's sister. For another - she's good friends with Heidi. So really, Lauren, how can you think that it will be easy for you two to be friends? It's only going to end badly.

Other than that, I only have a few other things to say about the first episode:
• "Operation Win Heidi Back" - Spencer's new plan...sounds awesome.
• Heidi's new fake self is scary looking.
• I think that Heidi is keeping the apt. because Spencer doesn't have a job and hence, can't afford it.
• ShePratt has hideous hair - it's mostly the bangs I have a problem with.
• Brody admitted to having a new girlfriend - Cora.

The next episode opens at People's Revolution. I have a revelation for ya - Kelly Cutrone looks like the grim reaper. She is no makeup, no hair brushing, all black, all business, all the time. She scares me. I don't think I could handle her. Props to Whitney for either being tougher than I thought she was or too naive to know that she's crossed over the to dark side.

Lauren wants to know about Whit's job at PR and when she finds out that she's working backstage at shows, Lauren gets a little taste of life after Teen Vogue. Then, when she goes to meet up with Whit for lunch, she winds up helping her out during a busy time of day. Looks like PR will need some help during Fashion Week, and Lauren is the girl for the job! Earlier Whitney had recalled Lauren's first run in with Cutrone, and surprise, KC was kind of a biyatch. And yet, Lauren's all about working for her now. Why do these girls do such stupid things?

In other parts of the Hills, Heidi and ShePratt head out to a new club for girls night and run into Audrina who's there with friends from work. It's fine, they are in different parts of the club, only when all of Audrina's friends ditch her at the same time, Heidi figures it's an invite to go talk to her. It's an awkward convo. Heidi basically cops to being lonely and missing her friends. Audrina doesn't really say anything except that Heidi should learn how to keep her girlfriends when she dates someone. The talk ends with Heidi essentially begging Audrina to call her and hang out. Seriously, she basically groveled at her feet. Not pretty.

After their awkward talk, Heidi figures that they're friends now, so she calls Audrina up to see if she can come over and pick up some of her stuff that she forgot when she moved out. It's a pathetic scene, with Heidi wanting to stay, but obviously realizing that it's too weird to be there since Lauren could show up at any time. And when Lauren does finally show up (don't worry, Heidi had left by then), Audrina breaks the news that Heidi was there and Lauren is pissed. She is still super mad at Heidi and poor Heidi only thinks it's because of something that Spencer did, which is probably why they'll never be able to work it out.

Next week: Lauren goes to work for PR and after a job well done, it looks like she gets a job offer. Plus, will Heidi and Spencer finally break up after Heidi sees him flirting with other women? We can only hope!!

I do blame Spencer

We each need to order one of these.

I wonder if Heidi will.

An Awards Show for the Real World...REALLY?!

It's time to end my unplanned hiatus from blogging. And what better way to do that than with a post about one of loves of my life: The Real World.

I bet you a dollar you can't name everyone in that picture off the top of your head. Bonus points if you can name the city they were in and the job they were assigned...

If you know me pretty well, then you know that there was a time in my life (circa JR year of college) that I really, really, really wanted to turn in my audition tape for the show. I even enlisted the help of Jenny and we wrote quite a nice audition song for my taping. It was to the tune of Jessica Simpson's "With You" and mentioned something about the real me being a southern girl with my Sevens on..... I know it's not American Idol, but if I was going to do it, I was going to do it big!

Needless to say, when it came crunch time and the tape needed to be made, I backed out. Anyway I say all that to say this, if there is anyone out there that has loved them some Real World, that she is me. But did MTV really think it was necessary to broadcast a TWO hour awards show in their honor? I'm not going to act like I didn't watch the show, because I did, but I watched it for the same reason you watch a train wreck - I was physically unable to peel my eyes away.

Sadly enough I had forgotten most of the roommates names (unless they are regulars on challenges or they are Coral, of which Coral is both) and sadly enough, I couldn't tell you what cities/seasons most of them were part of. And I for dang sure couldn't tell you much about their place in Real World History.

I have given many of week night to these people to watch what happens when people stop being nice and start being real but to save you the horror of watching the awards show (and I use the term awards loosely), I thought I'd recap for you:

1) Dunbar (Sydney) Steven(Las Vegas) and Kelly (New Orleans) were three roommates I remember not seeing and I say good for them!

2) Colie (Denver) won the "Playa" award

3) Johnny Bananas won the "Hottest Male" award

4)Coral won the "Roommate You Love to Hate" award and then promptly threw her award in the pool - best part of the show

There were probably more awards, but I don't really remember them....I think the Austin cast won for best season and I think Danny and Melinda won for love story or something like that.

Here is the sobering conclusion I came to at the end of the show: I think I'm done with The Real World. There, I said it. I am DONE.

The upcoming season will be the 20th season and I think it will be the first season in years that I have no interest in. I was all of 5 when this crazy experiement with seven strangers started and now, at 25, I'm finally ready to move-out of the RW house!