I don't think Brandon is coming back...

Unless there is going to be a side plot for a Grizzly-Man adventure in his contract. Yikes!!

Dylan, Kelly, I Hate You Both

Ever since I heard about a new 90210, I must admit that I've been pretty excited. I've been addicted to the original from day one. I mean, when you realize that 90210 is on every day at 3 and 4 on Lifetime, you don't just catch it when you can. You schedule classes around it. And that's exactly how my potluck roomie and I bonded my freshman year. It's been years since the crazy exploits of Brenda, Dylan, Kelly, Steve, Brandon, Donna and David, so yeah, I was a little anxious to see the new show. And even a lackluster fan of the original would surely tune in to see Kelly and Brenda reunite on screen. So here goes...

The Walsh... I mean, the Wilson's pull up loser cruiser style to a beautiful LA mansion, apparently directly out of a Kansas dustbowl because that van is really dirty! Annie is cute, Dixon is adopted, mom is a photographer and dad is the new West Beverly Hills High principal. Didn't see that one coming. Obviously the parents are going to be much more a part of the storyline than Jim and Cindy ever were. The two hour premiere was really long, so I'll just catch you up on the highlights:

Ethan and Naomi are the hottest couple in town. He's a lacrosse star and she's rich. She reminds me of Jessie Spano (when I looked up the correct spelling of Spano, Google had the following suggestions of how to complete my request: Jessie Spano caffeine pills, Jessie Spano excited and Jessie Spano freak out). Annie immediately sees Ethan hooking up with another girl, which does not bode well for his relationship with Naomi.

Annie is about to make a new friend, or enemy, when I'm hit with a tornado warning. Dang. Fortunately, I later realize that the girl she was talking to was none other than Erin Silver! Maybe I'm giving too much credit here, but I'm impressed with how the producers actually try to make this seem like a continuation of the original show. I had pretty much forgotten about Erin Silver, but of course she would be going to West Beverly right about now. Good call, producers. Silver's an angry little soul. I'm sure we'll get more on that later.

Ok. Back to the details. This show is so complicated already. Let's see... Dixon is a lacrosse star, but not all of his teammates appreciate that. Naomi and Ethan break up and Ethan starts to fall for Annie. However, Annie has already ditched her Kansas boyfriend and been swept off her teeth* by Ty Collins, who I will refer to at Toothy Ty. He takes her to San Francisco on their first date. And get this, she gets busted because her mom finds a matchbook from a San Fran restaurant in her jeans. Who takes matchbooks?! Lame-o way to get caught in my opinion. Annie should talk to Brenda. Speaking of Brenda, she arrives approximately one hour and thirty minutes into the premiere, not that I was waiting or anything.

Brenda and Kelly meet up at The Pit and Nat is so glad to see them there. Has Nat been on anything else? This guy owes 90210 everything! They chat for about 10 seconds before the show moves on. I'm hoping to see more of them!! Oh and Kelly has a kid and I really need to know who the father is. Last I know, she was probably going to be with Dylan and if Luke Perry struts into West Beverly, I'll be that much happier.

This is getting really long. Basically, the new 90210 is the old 90210 meets The O.C. and has a menage a trois with Gossip Girl. In other words, a ridiculous exaggeration of life as a sixteen-year-old that I can't help but watch! Not sure if I can do updates each week because the storylines are so complicated. But I do think I can come up with something about the show, so keep watching and keep reading.

Sidenote: I saw a preview for the new movie "The Women." Annette Bening's character tells the cosmetic sales lady "This is my face. Deal with it." I laughed.

*As I reread this post, I realized that I typed teeth, instead of feet. Obviously, Toothy Ty has already gotten to me.