Get out your Kleenex!

It's the new trailer for The Hills Season Five!! MTV is calling this the trailer for Season Four "bonus episodes," but they should just fess up to the fact that America's Best Dance Crew isn't pulling in those ratings like they'd hoped. (I actually love that show, but the truth hurts). Let's take a look! Recap below!



We open with Lauren visiting a card reader. Is she an idiot? People on The Hills need to STOP PRETENDING THEY AREN'T ON TV! I could be a card reader too if my clients' lives were broadcast for millions of people to see.

"I see that you have terrible taste in men. You seem to pick the biggest d-bags around and pretend that you can change them."

See? Easy. So, nice try lady, give Lauren her $50 bucks back.

Anyway, it's Lauren's birthday and her friends have decided to throw her a surprise party. Is it a costume party? Because Lauren is dressed as a flapper. That deep red lipstick is not a great look for you, Conrad, keep trying. Determined to win her friend back, Heidi decides to crash the party and make a grand gesture to show Lauren how much...she's still ruining other people's lives? I'm confused, but let's go with it.

In Heidi's other life, we see that Spencer has gone back to his flirting ways and is trying to pick up a bartender. And then he denies it to Heidi when She-Pratt's boyfriend tells on him. Spencer is pissed, things are likely to get ugly.

Back in Lauren-land, the whole gang gathers to celebrate the last night in Lauren's house. Why do they move every year? Especially when Lauren doesn't have any idea what she's going to do next. Is it like the Real World where MTV picks a new location and tricks out these amazing houses for jerks to live in on their tab? Wow, I think I just solved that mystery. I'm a regular Sherlock over here!

Now we see snow bunny Heidi (in a ridiculous hat) telling her mom that she doesn't know if she and Spencer can "get through this." Her mom basically does cartwheels upon hearing this news. Operation Bring Speidi Down is officially in action.

And it looks like things are bad enough to make Spencer go crawling back to Broday! I thought that they were DUNZO. But Lauren comments to Broday that the two people Spencer and Heidi screwed over the most are the only two people they have left. Ouch!

This really does play like a movie trailer. And now it's time for the big finale! Lauren and Heidi. Together. Crying. Hugging. I would be lying if I said that I didn't tear up when I watched this. And on that note, I must go and seriously re-evaluate my life. See you in March, bitches!

I give it 6 months. Tops.

Mandy Moore and Ryan Adams have gotten engaged, People.com reports. OK. What?! This is doomed to fail. She's dated everyone from Wilmer Valderrama to Andy Roddick to DJ AM (read: has bad taste). And he's a wackadoo rock star who may have cleaned up his image, but is not the kind of guy you want to marry. I love his music, but I've seen interviews with him and he's bonkers.

I'm going to take bets as to when this relationship ends, have your say in the comments section. My prediction: 6 months - engagement called off.