"Guess who's on the phone!" Satan.

This week we get to watch Whitney reach for the stars! Kelly Cutrone has set up an interview for her at Diane von Furstenberg to do in-house PR. Kelly must get some kind of sweet commission or something because why would she want to get rid of Whit? The job is in NYC - the same place where her music man boyfriend resides - which means Whitney would be relocating. Wouldn't it be a great idea for MTV to do like a spin-off show following Whitney around? They should look into that...and give me some sort of "finder's fee." Thanks, MTV! Love ya!

Lauren and Audrina decide to remain friends for the good of the networ--I mean, uh, friendship. Yep, and so they are hanging out, it's not awkward at all! Lauren brings up Justin Bobby and wonders if Audrina still "wants that." Audrina responds that she still "wants it" and I vomit in my mouth a little bit. Lauren also tells Audrina that her parents are moving from their Laguna Beach home so she and Lo are gonna go and pack up her old room. Seriously? This is episode-worthy material here? I can't wait to watch Lauren and Lo look through old yearbooks and pretend that their high school days were just like everyone elses.

She-Pratt meets up with Cheester Cheetah (the beard is outta control) and he tells her to dump Cameron. His logic? They've broken up like 4 or 5 times. He has the nerve to say to her, "Do you know how immature this relationship sounds from an outside perspective?" Yeeeah, because she's gonna take relationship advice from a guy who got his girlfriend fired, alienated all his girlfriend's friends and family and generally has no concept of how to be a good human being. Riiiight.

Over at People's Revolution Whit tells Lauren about her DvF interview. Of course Lauren's sad, but she knows that this is the big time for Whitney.

I've seen the DvF offices before on Project Runway, and they are massive and very simplistic with large sculptural pieces and a ginormous staircase. Whitney has to walk up the staircase and I had a Good Morning America flashback for a second, but she handled it. In heels no less! She nails with interview with her future boss who looks like a sassy minx! She's gonna be trouble!

She-Pratt breaks up with Cameron. That's it. Whatever. It's time for me to admit that I watch The Hills on MTV.com. Way less commercials and I can write the recap as I watch. It's really raw that way, you know? Totally in-the-moment blogging. But, I'm telling you this because there are comments on MTV.com below the video of the episode and they are usually stupid, but this one hit the nail on the head. Observe:

"NOBODY CARES WHAT HAPPENS WITH STEPHANIE PRATTS LIFE....... SHE IS FAKE..... CUT THAT WHOLE SEGMENT OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Can someone get that person a blog?

Lauren and Lo take a trip down memory lane by reading Lauren's old diary and her will. Not kidding. She requested to be buried in her homecoming dress with her crown. Awesome.

In NYC, music man meets up with Whitney after her interview and they are the cutest couple ever. He better not be a jerk face. Those musician types are tricky! I might have to watch The City just to see Whitney and Jay (music man) interact. Finally some reality in this damn show. Their love isn't jaded yet like all of Lauren's relationships. How refreshing.

Next time: Whit gets a job! She moves away and Lauren loses yet another friend. Maybe losing isn't the right word, but whatever. And it looks as if we get to witness the Speidi nuptials! I AM GAGGING.