Aristocrats and Royalty!

...Wait...Uh...is it?...OVER?? Are you kidding me with that finale? What even happened?? Lame.

Here's the breakdown: Whitney was invited to Paris and Lauren pouted about not getting invited even though she pretended to understand why she wasn't asked. Some dude named Kimball (who looked super thrilled to be there) came down from NYC to take Whitney to a grand ball full of aristocrats and royalty. Oh...OK. That sounds legit. How about you just come right out and say that the "aristocrats" are the Hilton sisters and the "royalty" is Sir Mix-a-lot. Don't try and dress it up, Teen Vogue.

Heidi and Spencer are still recovering from their fight. All of their fights are the same. Why don't they ever resolve anything? They argue about their wedding, Spencer leaves and gives Heidi "space" and then comes back and calls Heidi some ridiculous nickname like "stranger" and gives her flowers and thinks that that solves something. You have to actually talk things out, you idiots. So, anyway, Heidi bares her soul to Work Friend and even I'm confused when she says she "gave up everything" to be with Spencer. You gave up Lauren. Was she everything? You still have your job, your clothes and you even gained a new nose and some boobs! Talk about a sacrifice. Gah!

ShePratt meets up with an obviously lonely and alone Spencer at a coffee shop and tells him that he should email Heidi. Genius. Has this girl ever been in a relationship? Why not just IM her? Let's just take the easiest route we can to apologizing. I think a text message should suffice. Surprisingly, Spencer heads on down to Bolthouse in person and finally the receptionist recognizes him! But, Heidi sends Work Friend to tell him she left for the day! Whoa! That is ice cold! Because of course, Heidi is still at work, spinning away in her huge chair.

Here comes the shock of the season! Are you ready? Oh, it's almost too much... Lauren gets to...go to...PARIS! I know! You had never guessed, right?! Such a huge surprise! The sad part about all of this is that MTV thinks that we give a crap that Lauren gets to go to Paris. This could have been just another episode where she gets invited and they film them at the airport leaving and then cue some "French" music and a random plane arriving back to LAX where they get off the plane wearing berets and eating croissants. How is my idea any worse than what actually happened? Oh, because she "made a decision" about Brody? Whatever! She's just putting that off until after Paris. It's not as if Paris is some magical land where all your problems are solved and you come back with all the answers. Brody's still going to be there, with his phone full of girls numbers, giving Lauren mixed signals and wearing under eye concealer. Plus, Lauren can't be going for very long because she didn't pack all that much (except for the 20 pairs of shoes). My guess is she is going for all of a week.

Finally, and this is maybe bigger than the news of Lauren going to Paris (not possible, right?) - Speidi are giving each other some space. Heidi's headed back to Colorado to whine about how Spencer is an idiot. And Spencer will go back to his parents' house to try and finish a book for a change. One of the inexplicable things about their relationship is how they say they are so in love, but neither one of them seemed to care if they separated for a while. Spencer, for one, looks as if he's about to take a nap and Heidi looks as if she can't remember whether or not she packed her socks yet. If we are to believe that reality continues after the cameras stop rolling, then we can still see that Speidi are still together. How long ago was that Taco Bell stuff? That had to have been after the show stopped filming right? I can't believe that MTV would miss an opportunity like that. But, for now, it seems that the Speidi Wedding is on the back burner.

I haven't watched the After Show yet, but I did read that the BIG announcement was that the season isn't quite over yet. Apparently my dream of getting to watch the girls eat croissants and wear berets will be fulfilled! Now I feel better since this episode wasn't technically the finale. They had better make it up to us with the Paris episodes!