I don't believe this

First off, it has to be said: I hope Heidi and Spencer are happy living the rest of their married lives together. Away from me. In a far away distant land with no paparazzi and fake photo ops. You know, just whatever. I don't even care about them. I hereby announce that for this post - and all future posts - that I will only devote one sentence to Speidi. So, let's begin!

A few months back the "scandalous" news of a Lauren and JBob hookup hit the gossip rags and it took everyone about half a second to realize that it was false. Why? Because we have eyes/noses and can see/smell why Lauren would never EVER want to hookup with JBob. He's disgusting. I mean, sure, he's made some changes. He's living a zen lifestyle and he's sober (maybe) and I think he's up to showering like 2 times a week, but still. It's just not happening. Too bad it took Audrina all episode and two ruined friendships to figure that out.

Not only did she ask Lauren and JBob repeatedly if they hooked up, but she didn't believe them when they told her no. Apparently a friend of Audrina's (Dino) told her that it happened, but it has been speculated that Audrina started the rumor herself to get more press. That would explain why she milked this rumor thing for the whole episode even when both parties involved vehemently denied the allegations. Uh, check that last sentence out. I could basically be a lawyer. I object!

In order to build her case (legal term), Audrina texted around a million people and told them the news. Such character witnesses as Broday, Frankie and She-Pratt! Oh yeah, that lineup will add credibility to your case. Overruled!

In addition to accusing both JBob and Lauren via phone calls and text messages, she also pays each one a face-to-face visit. Lauren's visit doesn't go well. Audrina's tone is very accusatory and she doesn't appreciate it. Then Lauren becomes a hostile witness (legal term) and Audrina storms out. OK, let's take a 30 minute recess. Geez, this lawyer stuff is hard.

Heidi has to work in a cubicle now! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!




Audrina's visit with JBob comes after she's sent him around 50 voicemails and texts and he finally meets up with her at a bar and agrees to plead his case. And we get to hear some evidence of her previous voicemails and it seems as if Audrina got a little mean on the phone. He's hurt by how she spoke to him. Obviously she was upset by the news, but what ever happened to innocent until proven guilty, Audrina? Did you even go to law school?!

So, now it seems that Audrina has lost both her best friend and her boyfriend. How will she get them back? She seems to feel that a meeting at a nightclub with Lauren could be the next step. And it might have worked...if she didn't ask Lauren AGAIN if the rumor was true or not!! Seriously. OK, and here is where things get messy. Lauren tells Audrina that she would never hook up with JBob because she thinks he is disgusting. I think her exact words were, "I would rather kill myself than hook up with him." Yikes. I was afraid that would happen. Clearly, Audrina is living in some kind of screwed up world where people like JBob are physically attractive to her, but I was not sure how she would respond to the news that others are repulsed by his presence. And now we find out, and it's not good. She gets defensive and lashes out at Lauren and tries to blame this whole thing on her. That's when Lauren says that Audrina is "way worse than Heidi." Ouch! Order in the court!

The way things are left after this episode makes me wonder how much more we'll be seeing of ol' Audrina. Oh well, good luck on the bar exam...you're gonna need it!

Next time: Nana Pratt visits! Maybe she can talk some sense into stupid Spencer. And Audrina attempts to rebuild her friendship with Lauren...again.