Don't hate.

I haven't recapped in two, now three weeks. I suck. I just watched the last two episodes of The Hills and here's the interesting stuff. This week's episode to follow tomorrow!

Wedding FAIL

With the Speidi wedding coverage all over the interwebs, it's a little hard to play into the possible break-up drama. The "will they or won't they?" factor is gone, and it wasn't even all that strong to begin with, considering that those two fame-whores will do anything to get attention. This is their biggest media stunt to date. But I can't wait for when Heidi pees in an outdoor toilet to find out if she's preggers or not. (And PS - Is that Darlene in that photo?! Heidi's mom?! I expected more from you, D. I really did.)

And speaking of fame-whores! She-Pratt is begging Lauren to get her an internship at People's Revolution. I can already tell that Kelly Cutrone is not going to like She-Pratt. And yet Lauren is going to risk her job to get her an interview. Lauren might have stopped making stupid decisions about boys, but she hasn't stopped making stupid decisions!

At the interview, Kelly eats her alive. She busts her chops about wanting to use PR to build her handbag line. And then she asks if She-Pratt can use a computer and print labels. Any office monkey can print a damn label and She-Pratt has no clue. She is hopeless. If she gets this internship then it will be because MTV paid Cutrone to do it.

In Speidi news, Heidi returns from CO and she and Spencer are still fighting. She-Pratt convinces Heidi to hit the bars to try and find Spencer and his friend Charlie to see if he's behaving. And what do you know?! A million bars in LA and they happen to find the one that Spencer goes to! Incredible detective work, ladies. And how is it that Spencer will still not admit to being a d-bag even when Heidi catches him out with the bartender and her friends?! He is the worst. And now that I know about the wedding, that makes Heidi, Mrs. Worst.

MTV is shilling out the big bucks! She-Pratt got the internship. But Kelly told Lauren that if she screws up then she's got to fire her. Awesome. Another friendship doomed to fail.

Even though I know that she won't back up her words, Heidi did give Spencer what-for at lunch the next day. It's probably the most "real" she's ever been and it was great to see her act like a human being in a relationship. But nothing lasts forever...

You're kidding me, right?

Even though J-Bob did "put a ring on it," Audrina is unhappy in the relationship, so she's looking for a new guy. She-Pratt is FAILING at her internship at PR. And Speidi is still fighting about going to a therapist. So let's see how this episode shakes down.

Audrina has her eyes set on...wait for it...BRODAY! Good God, it's just like high school when all the popular kids just dated other popular kids and swapped boyfriends and girlfriends over and over. That didn't make sense then and it doesn't make sense now. Broday was with Lauren and Lauren is Audrina's best (ish) friend so any combination of those three is going to equal AWKWARD. Not to mention the fact that Broday is dating some duck-lipped hoochie mama (Jayde) who's getting very possessive. Yeah, that'll last.

There's some classic J-Bob in this episode. Me-thinks he's back on the sauce again because he's all over the place. Broday's trying to convince him to win Audrina back and he's bouncing to the music, and interrupting Broday with, "We should go surfing again!" Focus, J-Bob. Unfortunately, even when he's focused, he's still an idiot and he and Audrina start fighting again. I thought they were totally broken up, but she's still acting like they're together and that he's a bad boyfriend. Oh, those two.

Guess who sucks at their job? A LOT. She-Pratt. Like, more than words can say. She's got ADD or something. She doesn't focus and when Lauren asks her a question, she spaces out and won't answer. This was a huge mistake. But I secretly hope that Kelly fires her and she goes down in a blaze of whatever the opposite of glory is. Shame maybe. That would work.

Hehehe, it's time for therapy with our favorite couple! They start blabbing about their pathetic drama-filled lives and the therapist (my new favorite person!) calls them "high schoolish." BAM! Take THAT, Speidi! You just got served. Therapy-style. And then the therapist makes them face each other and tell the other one how they feel. Spencer doesn't take it seriously, so Heidi flips and then the therapist sides with Heidi at first, but then is all, "Why are you still with him if you think he's checked out emotionally?" God, therapy is awesome. It's like the perfect way to get people to understand that they are acting like d-bags.

The ladies who lunch (Lauren, Lo and Audrina) decide that they take a trip to Hawaii at the same time the boys are taking their trip to Hawaii. But they promise, "no drama." "Famous last words," says Lauren. Indeed.

Next time on The Hills: Audrina and Broday?! Say it ain't so! Bro-dri-nay? Awesome.