Chasing the drama

This week it's She-Pratt's birthday and she's invited Lauren to attend. Lauren asks if she can bring a date and She-Pratt gets all weirdly inquisitive about him. Then she says that he's exactly her type. Uh-oh...I think I know where THIS is going. (Pssst, thanks MTV for filling in all the blanks with the endless previews!)

Lauren and Doug do lunch. Does Lauren eat at that same cafe every single day of her scripted life? She comes in, sits her butt at the patio table by the sidewalk and orders a salad. Change it up, Conrad! Geesh! The conversation between her and Doug is so stimulating that these are the things that I'm left to ponder. It's either this or, "I just don't get along with her brother (aka Spencer), so I hope he won't be there (aka her birthday party)." Well, if there's one thing I've learned from watching a gazillion episodes it's this: Spencer will ALWAYS show up at the exact place that you wish he wouldn't. It is his way. And he will act like a jackass. Ooops! Spoiler!

Audrina and coworker Bangs talk "work" for literally 5 seconds and then talk sh*t about Lo for apologizing to Audrina. Bangs suggests that it's "Audrina versus Lo, a battle to the death!" I am officially on Team Lo. Audrina is goin' down!

Time for work at People's Revolution. Whitney's talking about work and Lauren stares blankly at her until she inquires as to what Lauren will be doing this week. Way to follow the cues, Whit! More talk of the feared run-in with Spencer Pratt. Dun dun dun!!! I wonder if he will be there!

Over at Don Antonio's Heidi's tramped up in 2 pounds of makeup (probably just finished shooting her latest music video - see earlier post photo!) and Spencer's threatening to cut off all communication with Stephanie. She's friends with the "girl I despise more than anything on the Earth" (direct quote, btw). Apparently Speidi will make an appearance at the party and after that it's over. Really. No, really, this time I promise!

Time to get ready! Lauren and Lo put on their makeup and talk about world peace, and politics and then ponder the global warming crisis. All in a night's work! After a debate like that they need a night out to just let loose! Audrina comes in the bathroom (obviously during a heated convo about third-world hunger) and Lo stares daggers at her. Don't interrupt her when she's talking about feeding the world, Audrina! Team Lo - 1 point.

Oh goody! Dinner out for the People's Revolution crew. My favorite incompetent staffer (Jessica) starts shooting off at the mouth and Kelly IS NOT HAVING IT. I have no idea what Jessica was even about to say, but Kelly interrupts with this quote: "No, no, no, no. Because it's my company and the answer's no to that. I don't want you to talk to a stylist. I'm just going to say what I want. Since it's my company. You? Pretty, pretty, happy, happy. Pitch stories. It's common sense. We wanna grow. If we do that everybody will move up. If we don't, people are gonna be cut." Wow. Why hasn't she fired Jessica yet??

Everyone starts arriving at Boulevard 3, where She-Pratt is having her bday partay. It's the regular cast of characters, including Doug, who arrives with Broday (OK, seriously, every time I type Brody it always comes out Broday. I don't know why my fingers always put that extra "A" in there, but it's staying, so deal with it!) and Frankie. Lo sees Audrina and instead of heading for the hills (haha, get it?!) she stays put and is actually polite. Then, when other people start having conversations, she says a couple of nice things to Audrina who tries to burn a hole in her head with her powerful stare. Aurdina is such a b*tch! She's going to put up a better fight than I thought...Team Audrina - 1 point. All tied up.

Oh no! I can't believe it! Guess who showed up! No, guess. You'll never guess so I'll just tell you - Spencer! OMG!! No WAY! And he brought balloons! Because that's what people do when they are cutting their sister of our their lives! They bring balloons! Oh, what a happy birthday it will be!

Broday immediately "bounces" because he doesn't want to deal with "drama" and I don't blame him. Just minutes after Speidi arrive they make things awkward and Lauren, Lo and Doug decide to "bounce" as well. This has gone from a fun party to a dud of a party, leaving Stephanie alone with some no-names and Speidi. HAHAHAHA!! Oh, that's pure poetry.

*Commerical note: Are you guys aware of this "Exiled" show? Sweet 16-ers sent away to far-off countries to re-prioritize their lives? Awesome! I'll be watching!*

Spencer goes to Stephanie's apartment and tells her that they are DONE. It's over.... She's FREE!!! That is the best birthday present she could've ever gotten.

Oh boy. Here comes the good stuff. Over at People's Revolution guess who just got CANNED!?! Jessica! I called it! Kelly calls Whitney up and breaks the bad news to her. And then she offers her Jessica's job on the spot! Whitney will now be living a "bi-coastal lifestyle" according to Kelly. I guess Whit accepted it, because Kelly just told her not to make any plans for the next couple months...or the rest of her life. Nice knowin' ya, Whit!

Over at fashion design school She-Pratt tells Lauren that she's sorry about the drama that Speidi caused at her party. Lauren tells her that she's got to work at earning her trust, since most of her friends have told her that She-Pratt can't be trusted. It looks as if She-Pratt is hurt by this statement, but she's a Pratt and is probably just thinking about how she can annoy someone later on. It's tough work.

Next time! Whit heads to NYC and meets a boy! Lauren breaks up with Doug - maybe? And some other stuff that is probably ridiculous. See ya then!

I'm with THAT guy

Stunned. I don't know who in their right mind decided that it would be OK to let Heidi make a video in a suit of spandex and outrageous hair. Someone will pay for this!

This is awkward.

Season 4. It's here. Can you handle this?! I'm gonna recap the hell out of it! Let's go.

Yay! It's Whitney! A birthday party's in the works for Audrina! AND Lauren has a date with an old prom date! LAME! But at least she's getting out of her dating "slump" - Whitney's word. As if Whit's an expert. Season 4 starts off with a bang!

Heidi's sister is coming in to town and she's going to find out that she and Spencer are shacking up! Uh-oh. Wait, why wouldn't Heidi want to tell everyone that her and Spencer are back together? Oh, is it because that her family hates Spencer? I suppose that could have something to do with it.

Audrina is apparently not really friends with Lauren anymore since she told her work friend ("Bangs") that she was surprised that Lauren would want to throw her a party. But Lauren seems to think that everything is fine - or she wouldn't have just told Whitney about a super fun party she was going to throw for "one of her best friends."

AAHH!! More Montag spawn! Ouch, Holly looks like Heidi before the surgery. Spencer "Chester Cheetah" is currently busy playing video games and won't bother talking to Holly at all. What a jerk-face. THEN! He acts all put-out because he and Heidi are "just putting things back together." Hmmm...maybe if you actually try and be nice to her family, that would be a step in the right direction? No? Too logical? OK, my bad. Oh, and the beard is looking great. (What? He obviously does the exact opposite of everything I think he should do. I'll show him!)

Lauren's date night! My favorite part of the "getting-ready" segment was when Lauren asked Lo if she would ask her out on a second date (as in, if they were the ones going on a date) and Lo goes, "I dunno." Tough one, Lo, looks like things just got a little too real.

As for the date, all you need to know is that there was a lot of staring and stimulating conversation such as, "I think your drink says a lot about you." "What does a beer say about me?" "That you're a guys-guy." (And Lauren ordered a Fuzzy Dragon, so what the hell does that say about her?!) Plus, Doug asked her out again about 20 minutes into their first date. Slow down, buddy! She fell for it so we'll see you at the birthday party!

Spencer is awakened at NOON by the Sisters Montag, he decides to bitch-up Heidi and Holly for making him breakfast. I think you found a keeper, Heidi!

It's party time and speaking of bitching-up, Lo is not being very friendly to Audrina. In Lo's defense, Audrina did invite some Sketchy McSketchersons to the party. But Lo has to learn to smile and say something nice and then talk sh*t about her later with Lauren. Gosh, get a clue!

Oh boy, it's LA makeover time for Holly. Bleach blonde highlights are OK, but don't go getting duck lips!

JUSTIN BOBBY! In a leather jacket. At a pool party. In LA. I think that's the best birthday present Audrina could ever receive. And that's probably for the best, because Lo isn't getting her anything. She didn't even hang out at the party at all.

Holly leaves after hanging out in LA for about 5 minutes. Spencer is a total jerk when she leaves. Holly hints at possibly moving out to LA and when Heidi offers to let her stay at their apt. Spencer loses it. After Holly drives away (in a cab - can't drive a sister to the airport, Heidi?) she blows up at her for offering to help her sister. How quickly he forgets that he crashed on HIS sister's couch for several months. Playing video games. All. Day. Long.

Lo attempts to make nice with Audrina but after about 5 minutes of back and forth trying to figure out why they still aren't close, Lo says that she feels like she's putting forth effort and that Audrina isn't giving anything back. Audrina lets Lo know that she just doesn't care if they are never friends. Whoa. Harsh. Lo is visibly shaken up by these harsh words and gets up to leave the beach house. Bring on the bitchiness! If you thought Lo was bitchy before, just you WAIT, girlfriend. Just wait.

Lauren talks to Whitney to close out the episode. I like how Lauren's conversations with Whitney bookend the show. Whitney's advice is like a pearl of wisdom. She gives Lauren something to ponder during the show and then they wrap up that lesson at the end of the show. Tonight's lesson: This show is ridiculous.

Coming up this season, more drama, more staring, more backstabbing! Bring it on!

Before it begins...

“I think that maybe Lauren is tired of [being on the show], but we’re just beginning,” Montag told Ryan Seacrest during an interview Monday on his KIIS-FM radio show. “We’re not even remotely sick of it.”

Not even just a little? Cuz I am SO sick of them. Are they serious? Why do they think that people like them? They are the butt of every joke and yet they still believe that a show could revolve around them.

Pratt added, “It’s my favorite show. I love it. The Hills season 10 is what I’m going for.”

Let me ask you all a favor: if I am still writing blog recaps of The Hills in 6 more years, just kill me. Please. I don't even know why I still watch this show half the time, since most of what happens is in the tabloids months before we actually see it on the show. But I really get a small amount of joy from ridiculing these ridiculous girls who make mind-numbingly stupid decisions day-in and day-out. And the Speidi relationship is BY FAR the worst part of the show.

Oh, and I thought this was funny. Heidi has a new single out (shield your ears - it's called 'Overdosin') and it's about her relationship with Spencer. When Ryan Seacrest asked if a wedding was in their future she said, "I’m waiting for the ring to make that song.” Hmmm. Really? Did you forget that the first ring was a purple plastic monstrosity that Spencer bought at Claire's? I wouldn't take your chances on a second ring. And also, didn't she call off the engagement? And now she's all, "He hasn't given me a ring. Boo-hoo." It's like she doesn't realize that her life is filmed and then projected onto millions of TV screens. We KNOW when you're LYING. Ugghhh, see you jerks on season 4 - up next!

No, Brant, I Cannot Do That

Since summer TV pretty much sucks, I've welcomed the seemingly non-stop Olympic coverage. I think we are three days into it and I've watched at least ten hours of this stuff. No matter the event, Brant enjoys asking me the question "Could you do that?" So in honor of that oh so hilarious and not at all annoying question, I would like to make a little list.

Top Five Olympic Events I Could Never Do

1. Diving (Synchronized or Individual) - I hold my nose when I jump into the water. Enough said here.

2. Gymnastics (Floor) - Anyone who has seen my cartwheel is well aware of my gymnastic skills. However, I simply could not do the random dance interludes. Yeah, the dance interludes. That's the only reason I could not do floor.

3. Badminton - I didn't not even realize until yesterday that this was an officially santioned Olympic event, much less that it was bad-minton, not bad-mitton. And the Chinese LOVE their badminton. The #1 male and #1 female players in the country recently got engaged... they are considered the Posh and Becks of China! Anyway, back to the list. If I remember correctly, I can play the sport. As a ten year old, I might have even been good, but I could not devote my life to this sport. Ever. And therefore, my Olympic dreams as a badminton champ are dead.

4. Water Polo - Tread water. Swim the length of the pool. Tread water. Rise up out of the pool with no assitance and throw a ball as hard as you can. Swim back. Tread water. Um, my legs hurt right now. No dice.

5. Opening Ceremony - That's right. I sincerely doubt I would have had any chance to make it as a member of the opening ceremony group. And there were over 15,000 people so it's not like there wasn't a bit of opportunity there. Although, the population is approaching a zillion over there, so I guess the odds were against me. Still, that was the best opening ceremony... no, the best display of art in motion I have ever seen. Getting 2,008 people to move in the same direction at the same time is a magnificent feat and I totally would have screwed it up!

RIP: StopYellingAtMe.blogspot.com

Our poor, poor blog is dead. It hasn't seen a new post since early June. I'm even thinking of writing an obituary for it.
I was talking to my boss about it today and she had an interesting point - once we swore off celebrity gossip, we clearly swore off our blog too. So to restore life back to our blog I propose this: We'll still steer clear of the celebrity "news" but we continue to post our opinions on pop culture and tv...after all our love of those things brought the three of us together as friends and brought about this blog.
The Hills will be starting soon and Jenny will (hopefully) resume her episode recaps. And since I watch Jon and Kate Plus 8 each week - I will be recap those. Kari,what are you watching? Anything you can recap?
I'm not ready to kill off the blog yet!