Chasing the drama

This week it's She-Pratt's birthday and she's invited Lauren to attend. Lauren asks if she can bring a date and She-Pratt gets all weirdly inquisitive about him. Then she says that he's exactly her type. Uh-oh...I think I know where THIS is going. (Pssst, thanks MTV for filling in all the blanks with the endless previews!)

Lauren and Doug do lunch. Does Lauren eat at that same cafe every single day of her scripted life? She comes in, sits her butt at the patio table by the sidewalk and orders a salad. Change it up, Conrad! Geesh! The conversation between her and Doug is so stimulating that these are the things that I'm left to ponder. It's either this or, "I just don't get along with her brother (aka Spencer), so I hope he won't be there (aka her birthday party)." Well, if there's one thing I've learned from watching a gazillion episodes it's this: Spencer will ALWAYS show up at the exact place that you wish he wouldn't. It is his way. And he will act like a jackass. Ooops! Spoiler!

Audrina and coworker Bangs talk "work" for literally 5 seconds and then talk sh*t about Lo for apologizing to Audrina. Bangs suggests that it's "Audrina versus Lo, a battle to the death!" I am officially on Team Lo. Audrina is goin' down!

Time for work at People's Revolution. Whitney's talking about work and Lauren stares blankly at her until she inquires as to what Lauren will be doing this week. Way to follow the cues, Whit! More talk of the feared run-in with Spencer Pratt. Dun dun dun!!! I wonder if he will be there!

Over at Don Antonio's Heidi's tramped up in 2 pounds of makeup (probably just finished shooting her latest music video - see earlier post photo!) and Spencer's threatening to cut off all communication with Stephanie. She's friends with the "girl I despise more than anything on the Earth" (direct quote, btw). Apparently Speidi will make an appearance at the party and after that it's over. Really. No, really, this time I promise!

Time to get ready! Lauren and Lo put on their makeup and talk about world peace, and politics and then ponder the global warming crisis. All in a night's work! After a debate like that they need a night out to just let loose! Audrina comes in the bathroom (obviously during a heated convo about third-world hunger) and Lo stares daggers at her. Don't interrupt her when she's talking about feeding the world, Audrina! Team Lo - 1 point.

Oh goody! Dinner out for the People's Revolution crew. My favorite incompetent staffer (Jessica) starts shooting off at the mouth and Kelly IS NOT HAVING IT. I have no idea what Jessica was even about to say, but Kelly interrupts with this quote: "No, no, no, no. Because it's my company and the answer's no to that. I don't want you to talk to a stylist. I'm just going to say what I want. Since it's my company. You? Pretty, pretty, happy, happy. Pitch stories. It's common sense. We wanna grow. If we do that everybody will move up. If we don't, people are gonna be cut." Wow. Why hasn't she fired Jessica yet??

Everyone starts arriving at Boulevard 3, where She-Pratt is having her bday partay. It's the regular cast of characters, including Doug, who arrives with Broday (OK, seriously, every time I type Brody it always comes out Broday. I don't know why my fingers always put that extra "A" in there, but it's staying, so deal with it!) and Frankie. Lo sees Audrina and instead of heading for the hills (haha, get it?!) she stays put and is actually polite. Then, when other people start having conversations, she says a couple of nice things to Audrina who tries to burn a hole in her head with her powerful stare. Aurdina is such a b*tch! She's going to put up a better fight than I thought...Team Audrina - 1 point. All tied up.

Oh no! I can't believe it! Guess who showed up! No, guess. You'll never guess so I'll just tell you - Spencer! OMG!! No WAY! And he brought balloons! Because that's what people do when they are cutting their sister of our their lives! They bring balloons! Oh, what a happy birthday it will be!

Broday immediately "bounces" because he doesn't want to deal with "drama" and I don't blame him. Just minutes after Speidi arrive they make things awkward and Lauren, Lo and Doug decide to "bounce" as well. This has gone from a fun party to a dud of a party, leaving Stephanie alone with some no-names and Speidi. HAHAHAHA!! Oh, that's pure poetry.

*Commerical note: Are you guys aware of this "Exiled" show? Sweet 16-ers sent away to far-off countries to re-prioritize their lives? Awesome! I'll be watching!*

Spencer goes to Stephanie's apartment and tells her that they are DONE. It's over.... She's FREE!!! That is the best birthday present she could've ever gotten.

Oh boy. Here comes the good stuff. Over at People's Revolution guess who just got CANNED!?! Jessica! I called it! Kelly calls Whitney up and breaks the bad news to her. And then she offers her Jessica's job on the spot! Whitney will now be living a "bi-coastal lifestyle" according to Kelly. I guess Whit accepted it, because Kelly just told her not to make any plans for the next couple months...or the rest of her life. Nice knowin' ya, Whit!

Over at fashion design school She-Pratt tells Lauren that she's sorry about the drama that Speidi caused at her party. Lauren tells her that she's got to work at earning her trust, since most of her friends have told her that She-Pratt can't be trusted. It looks as if She-Pratt is hurt by this statement, but she's a Pratt and is probably just thinking about how she can annoy someone later on. It's tough work.

Next time! Whit heads to NYC and meets a boy! Lauren breaks up with Doug - maybe? And some other stuff that is probably ridiculous. See ya then!