Is that a glittery bike helmut?

Oh hey, it's another week of Audrina's Love Life! Last time I checked, Audrina didn't have her own spin-off...yet. What could it be called...hmmmm. Maybe "The Are You Seriously Tuning In For This Trash?" Ok, ok, I might watch. I'm so pathetic. On to the recap!

Lauren and She-Pratt head to the LA version of NYC's Mood fabrics to "work on a school project" or something that the producers concocted. They're there for about 5 seconds before She-Pratt starts yelling at Lauren that she has a boyfriend. I think she just likes saying "I have a boyfriend" because this dude that she's seeing - Cameron - was total dullsville and I can't think of a good reason why anyone would be excited over him? The girls plan to meet up later so Lauren can meet Cam. There's only one problem: Broday will be there! Dun, dun, DUHNNN!!

Lauren and Broday hang out at her place by the pool. They talk about how Broday needs to be nice to She-Pratt when they go out and he acts all macho and says that if Cam tries to "step to him" he's gonna "show him what's up." Ha, actually, those words are totally mine, but someone's gotta add some drama to this show! Oh, and then Lauren pushes Broday in the pool and I get a good laugh. Nice one, LC!

Whee! It's the Australian guy! I don't recall his name, so I'll call him Aussie. Aussie and Audrina go out to dinner and he starts grilling her about the Cabo trip. See, I like this guy already because he doesn't mess around with casual conversation and compliments. Straight to business! Audrina tells him the truth, that it was a "guys weekend" and that she and Lauren shared a room but he doesn't buy it. I don't blame him, but since she's actually telling the truth it kinda sucks.

Time for the showdown at Crown Bar! Things get awkward pretty much immediately. Cam acts all tough before Broday shows up and after Lauren and Lo arrive (Lo with some prepster!) he claims that he wants to tell Broday that he "hates" him, but when Broday shows up he's like a puppy with a tail between his legs. All talk and no action, eh?!

What the eff is Brandy doing on The Hills?! Yes, R&B singer from 10 years ago, that Brandy, is at a recording studio and Audrina and Bangs are there to...help? Stare? Uh...make Brandy look better by comparison? Who knows, but Brandy is sinking to new lows by using The Hills to promote her new album. I expected better from you, B, I really did.

Justin shows up at Epic to talk to Audrina. He's decked out in a white flannel shirt, beanie cap and sleeveless denim vest. Let that image sink in before you read what's about to happen next. Got a good mental picture (see above)? Great, because apparently it really worked for Audrina since she fell for it and is gonna take him back. Maybe the line that did it was, "I'll pretty much always be there for you." Awww...wait, what? So close, J.Bob, almost had it. Almost. He comes through in the end with, "I want you to be with me," which is loads better than the other line, but still sounds a little bossy if you ask me.

Uggh! More Audrina! She and Bangs dissect the J.Bob situation and Bangs gives her some tough love. I can appreciate her honesty. It's better than when Lauren talks to Audrina and pretends to give her advice, but winds up just agreeing with everything Audrina says. Anyway, Audrina now has the tough job of telling Aussie that even though he's cute and nice and respectful and showers regularly and wears normal clothes and has a sweet accent, she's going with J.Bob. Good luck.

Wow, 15 minutes into the episode and we're only just now getting a glimpse of Speidi. And since the show is really only 20 minutes long after commercials and only 18 minutes long when you factor in staring time, that's pretty pathetic. Sorry, Speidi! They have lunch with She-Pratt and it's the most boring two minutes of the episode so I refuse to recap it.

Alright, listen, if that floozy Audrina really does get her own spinoff, I will be SO pissed! She just dumped a great guy for JUSTIN-BOBBY! She is a LOSER. If anyone is getting their own reality show, it should be Aussie guy! Can't MTV just do a "Bachelor" type spinoff and try and find him a date? Not that he needs the help, but this is definitely sadder than anything else I've seen on The Hills. Audrina is dead to me.

Next week: Audrina moves out to get a place with J.Bob, Lauren watches another girl drive away with her boyfriend, and Heidi gets fired?! Maybe. It was hard to tell what Brent "Mumbles" Bolthouse said, but I think that's it. Oh, and I'll be referring to Audrina as "The Idiot."