"Judged!"

This week we delve into the love life of Audrina. I can hardly contain my excitement. Supposedly she's dating some new Australian guy named Cory. And yet she still talks about Justin Bobby as if he is the Gold Standard of boyfriends. Nutzo!

Spencer decides to break the Cone of Silence with She-Pratt and call her up for an emergency bitch session. Sadly, I don't think She-Pratt even cares that he's using her to have someone listen to his problems. That's sad on several levels, least of which is that she actually accepts his offer just to spend time with him. I'll never understand those Pratts. Thank god.

Over at People's Revolution the girls dish about Audrina's love life while holding clipboards. It's very professional. They are both on Team Cory and J.Bob is gonna lose his sh*t when he watches this ep! I wonder if any of the "cast members" of The Hills actually watch the show? Except for Speidi. I'm sure they Tivo it and own all the DVDs (post-surgery, of course).

Hehehe...Australian's talk funny. Audrina's date with Cory goes well, they talk about their relationship status' and some other crap. Who knows what he's saying, but it must have been the right things because the next thing we know it's morning and Cory and Audrina exit the Guest House to grab some cereal in the Big Girl House. Lauren enters the kitchen and does a quick double take, but she obviously approves of Cory so she invites him not only to Malibu (where they're heading that afternoon) but also to Cabo (where they're heading in a couple of weeks for Broday's birthday). Geez! Slow down, Lauren! She probably just wants him to go so she can listen to him talk about the weather. "It's summah tyhme." Oooh, dreamy.

Spencer tries to convince Heidi that Holly should move out. He puts down an ultimatum: either she moves out or he does. Oh, snap!

Whitney and Carmen Sandiego sit around the pool talking about how awesome Cory is and then Frankie and Doug have to come up and ruin it by saying that they're going to invite J.Bob to hang out. The really interesting thing is that Frankie says, "He's our boy and we hang out with him like every day." Uh, what? Wait, Justin Bobby? No...It can't be...Really? I am shocked. They NEVER show the guys hanging out together. Of course, if they'd only air Bromance already I'm sure I'd get an idea of what that's like. Anyway, turns out that Frankie and the gang invited J.Bob to Cabo so Audrina's gonna have to figure out how to juggle two guys!

Heidi confronts Holly about the living situation. Holly seems upset that Spencer is making Heidi choose between both of them, but I imagine that she'll cave and move out. Trouble is, she doesn't have a job and so that means the only place she can afford to live is...oh right, nowhere. Maybe she'll move in with Lauren?

Oh no. Justin Bobby is baaack. Complete with leather jacket at the pool. I tell ya he's one in a million. He tells Audrina that if she ditches her top he'll get in the pool. She does it. Because she has low self-esteem. And he comes through on his promise and goes into the pool COMPLETELY NAKED. I bet MTV wasn't expecting anyone like him when they started filming The Hills! She lets down her guard for a split second and tells him that she is excited for Cabo and he says something like, "When we go to Cabo I'm gonna get in trouble." AKA, "I will probably hook up with someone else!" Audrina should bring Cory and shove it in J.Bob's face! Audrina and J.Bob status is still unknown.

Someone needs to scrub down the pool!

Next time: Cabo!

PS. The title of this week's post is a direct quote from Eric after he saw me writing this recap. Not only was it a commentary on how he feels about me writing a blog post about The Hills, but I also thought it was fitting for an episode about Audrina's love life. Ha, burn!