The Hills: A character study

Lisa Love. Oh, Lisa Love...you are perhaps the epitome of every scary woman boss that has ever existed. But, I think it's just for show. I saw you secretly enjoying hanging out with Whitney during the seating at the Young Hollywood fashion show. You're a softy at heart, aren't you?! I bet Lisa and Whitney are BFFs by now.

Heidi. Poor, been drinkin' illegally for years, Heidi. Celebrating your 21st birthday might be exciting if you had waited to order that first drink on the special day. However, ordering a glass of wine at LUNCH on a work day isn't exactly the thrill that you should be getting. Don't you know that Brent Bolthouse Tivo's The Hills on a Season Pass, girl? Please, get smart about it. And while you're at it, dump Spencer. Just dump him. He got you the great purse and I'm sure it was mucho dinero, but after the purse excitement, there was nothing between you at all. Stop the charade! You both probably deserve each other, but I'm sick of watching you both at Taco Bell pretending to give a crap about hunger issues.

Justin Bobby. You are my favorite, J.Bob, I'll go ahead and say it. This is only because when you appear on screen I know I'm destined for a laugh. And you did not disappoint me tonight with your and Audrina's matching leather jackets. It was enough that you wore the black boots with capris, but you took it up a notch with the leather, and I commend you for it. What I don't care for is that you never answer a question directly. If someone asks you if you're dating a girl, an appropriate response might be something like, "yeah" or "no" even. Not, "she's a good person" or "pretty good." Yeah, because those 2 answers don't even make sense at all. Not even a little.

Previews. See, this is where MTV is riding a very thin line with me. Because I have been deceived one too many times, MTV. Pretending that the fashion show would start too early, thus costing Whitney and Lauren their jobs at the hand of Lisa Love is just mean. That whole "mishap" lasted all of 5 seconds. And yet...and yet, I am very excited about next week's episode because it's the dreaded reunion of former best friends! Heidi and Lauren run into each other at an event at some club or something. Doesn't matter. There is a shouting match of some kind and then Heidi wants to meet up with Lauren where (apparently), Lauren tells Heidi that she wants to "forget" her. Ouch! Those are harsh words. And we'll see if Lauren in fact does say them to Heidi. Or whether MTV just cut that all together with bits and pieces from past seasons. Oh, like they wouldn't do it?