Please don't give up on The Hills

Episode 1 - Life back in LA!:

Audrina and Lauren play catch up after a super-happy reunion! Boring. PS. Who is that guy in the photo above? His hair is AWESOME!

Whitney goes face to face with Lisa Love and tells her that she has another job offer. She was so professional, it was almost like I wasn't watching the Hills for a few minutes. Weird. Anyway, Whit has an interview at Kelly Cutrone for a stylist position. She could be leaving Teen Vogue!

Heidi's back at work and talks to Work Friend about Spencer. She wants Spencer to move out, but isn't it his apartment? She mentions that even though she wants him to go, she doesn't plan to date anyone else during the "break." I think we're going to get into a Ross-n-Rachel "we were on a break" situation.

Looks like Spencer's going to be staying with ShePratt! Good ol' siblings! Spencer mentions considering dating other people and it looks like we're in for some trouble.

Whitney heads to her interview with Kelly Cutrone at People's Revolution. Kelly's basically a biyatch. She is yelling at someone while Whit's waiting for her interview. Plus, her interview consists of Kelly talking at her about what People's Revolution does and why it's so cool. Um, yikes. Then she says, "You're basically making a deal with the devil" if you come to work for me. Meaning that Whitney will give up her life, "but get a brand new one." Oh, great. This is going to suck for Whit.

ShePratt spills the beans about Spencer wanting to date other people and Heidi tells her that she wasn't talking about something that drastic. But, instead of calling him to talk about it she just "wishes" that he won't do anything stupid. Probably going to come true, Heidi, just like all your other wishes about Spencer.

Lauren and Audrina head to the club and run into Brody and Frankie and immediately begin to fight. Lauren confronts him about having a new lady and he denies it. They yell and he leaves and then Frankie breaks it down for Lauren. Apparently they both love each other. It reminds me of a favorite line from Seinfeld when Kramer says to Jerry and Elaine, "Can't you two see...that you're in love with each other?!"

It's Lo!! She and Lauren are out for lunch and talk about the Brody situation. It is very Sex and the City of them. Lo says some very Carrie-like things.

Spencer is over at the apartment and moving out and Heidi has a duck-face. I can't even concentrate on what was said...she was "sad" looking and her duck face was extremely prominent.

Whit's basically crying about leaving Teen Vogue. It's sad to see her leave. I don't know how the hell Lauren's going to survive without her!

Episode 2 - ShePratt and a smile:

Lauren and ShePratt have class together. Oh the look on ShePratt's face - priceless and staged. Wouldn't ShePratt notice something's up before she saw Lauren...because of all the CAMERAS??!! Maybe she thought she was going to be starring in this episode. Delusional...

Whitney's over at Kelly Cutrone and it's craziness. Shows, shows, shows! Oh, they are SOO busy. Whitney will probably be working until 3 am. Whitney helps out with some great advice and it seems as if the designers love her.

Back in class ShePratt apologizes to Lauren. They are well on their way to being BFFs!

Whit is in charge at the fashion show and I'm surprised at how good she does. Kelly asks the designers how she did last night and they vouch for her. Some people get out of order and it seems tense, but at the end people seem to be happy. High fives all around!

I love when cameras catch Spencer alone somewhere and he dazed and staring down at the floor. He and ShePratt have a heart to heart. Spencer doesn't trust her enough to share his feelings. Oh, and he still calls Lauren "LC." Wake up, Spencer, it's Lauren now.

ShePratt (hippie-chick, nice head band, btw) and Lauren share lunch and dish about Spencer. Is it bad that I like ShePratt? She is bitching about living with Spencer and totally doggin' on Speidi. I wonder if she's just weaving a web of lies (but really truths) to lure Lauren into a false friendship.

Listen, you guys have to keep watching The Hills. If you stop then how am I going to justify writing these hella-long recaps? At least promise to read the recaps, then.

The Return of The Hills!

Mariah Carey and the Hills?! Bonjour!

The girls arrive in Paris and squeal with delight at the cold weather and the Eiffel tower. Ooh la la. First stop: ball gowns! Never mind the itinerary...that could come back to bite them later.

Cut to Heidi in Colorado skiing with her mom and having a heart to heart about Spencer over hot cocoa.

French hip hop music! The girls grab their dresses first and, of course, when they get to the shoe store, it's closed. Whitney starts to lose it and Lauren seems to think it'll be fine. Lisa Love has a heart of gold, why wouldn't she forgive them?

ShePratt comes over to Speidi's apt and sees that Spencer (and the apartment) is falling apart. Quote of the episode goes to ShePratt, "Why don't you write a list of everything you've ever done and then do the opposite?" I think he should include the brilliant idea he just had in the list: head to CO and find Heidi on the mountain.

So, MTV is trying out these mini-episodes instead of commercials. Alicia Keys is in them with two other girls who I've never heard of before. I don't know whether or not they will run these things like a series, but I guess it's better than commercials. I just fast forward through them anyway, so who cares?

Lauren and Whitney get geared up for the day...shoes and fashion shoots! Viva La France!

Spencer rolls into Colorado and Heidi's dad greats him with, "What the heck are you doing here?" Awesome. Apparently she's not answering calls from Spencer.

It's Kimball! He's in France and bossing peeps around. What is the deal with this ball, anyway? Who are these "debutantes?" and why does Teen Vogue care about them? Just forget it, because then Lauren gets a phone call from Audrina who tells her that Brody was out with another girl that night. Here's the deal. She's being a good friend, but in my opinion, a great friend would have waited until she got home from Paris to tell her that. Now she's going to be thinking about that the entire time she's in Paris and Lisa Love will probably figure that out and put her on a plane herself! Whitney comes up with a great plan to find new guys in Paris

OK, back to CO and I have to ask, does Heidi's face look weird? It's like her fake nose and lips are a different color that the rest of her face because of the cold. Is it just me?! She looks ridiculous!! Anyway, back to the reunion of Speidi! Heidi pretty much refuses to talk to him, saying that she doesn't know what to say. I wonder if he'll have the balls to ask to stay at her parents house overnight!

Whit and Lauren head out to meet some guys from a band who they met in LA. Surprise, surprise, they are skuzz-tastic. Unruly facial hair and jewelry a-plenty! One of the skuzzers is making eyes at Lauren and offers to take her (and the group) to the Eiffel Tower. They head to get some champagne first and then catch the light show at the Tower. I will admit, it looks cool. I've never been to Paris, so I'm jealous. But I would probably edit out any skuzzers during my trip.

[Preview comment: The movie "Baby Mama" starring Tina Fey and Amy Poehler looks pretty funny. I think those two are hilarious. Basically, Tina's a woman who wants a baby and Amy's a baby mama who will carry a baby for her. Simple enough premise, but I bet they make it funny.]

As Lauren insults Brody in French, she gets a text from Skuzz saying they are hitting a club. Lauren has nothing to wear out to a fancy club and Whitney jokingly suggests that she has a ball gown and Lauren has lost her mind enough to think she's serious. So, not only does she decide to wear it, but she will also be sewing it! SEWING. Needle and thread, my friends. I am pretty damn sure that they are borrowing these gowns and I don't know how she thinks she'll get away with this!

Awkward silence envelops the room as Spencer decides to dine out with the Montag clan. That's ballsy. I bet he does ask to stay with them for the night. He would. He's getting death stares from ALL of the family and decides to make some small talk about the weather. Heidi decides to make a toast about her parents - and only her parents - and it's the first time she seems to be standing up for herself. I'll admit that it seems somewhat forced and silly, but I also think that it's probably the only way she knows to communicate with him. They have an argument in front of her parents about why he came out to CO and I stand behind Heidi because she is actually making sense. I never thought I'd say that!

Lauren is steppin' out in her sewn dress and I'm scared to friggin' death that she's going to spill something on it. What is wrong with her?! So, a debutante escort is making the moves on Lauren and Skuzz is looking pretty jealous. The escort is gross and dancing like an idiot. Lauren is obviously more into the Skuzzer (who, I will admit is much less gross than the escort guy) and they flirt about some stupid things, I don't know. Anyway, they leave and skuzzer runs out to say a proper goodbye before they go. He wants to go out for a drink before they leave for good. OK, so he's growing on me, whatever. He is still wearing skinny jeans and that I just can't forgive.

[Commercial comment: What is up with the trailer for The Ruins that included part of the Hills in it? The trailer voiceover guy starts out saying "Two friends, Lauren and Whitney, head to Paris...and in another part of the world four friends will blah, blah, blah movie promo..." What?! That's a bit extreme, advertisers!]

Oh God. There's a stain on the dress. No, it's a burn from the curling iron! They call the guy from Alberta Ferretti and he says he can get her another dress. That seems easy enough. I was hoping that they'd have to shell out some cash for a replacement dress. No dice. We'll see if Kimball notices the dress is different!

Speidi finally talk one on one and after a brief hint at a breakup, they decide to move out of the apartment. They will live apart, but I can't tell if they're broken up.

The girls arrive at the ball and Lauren's dress is a different dress, but no one's saying anything for now. On with the ball. It's like a prom fashion show or something, with really fancy designing. After the ball, Kimball and Whitney talk it out and Whit admits that she'd probably be happier doing more styling, and he suggest that she explore that...and wait...did she just get fired? Whitney seems unsure herself after he says it. But Lauren comes back just in time to get a phone call from Skuzz to see if she will go on a midnight motorcycle ride through Paris with him. And when she agrees, she ruins not only her hair in the helmet, but probably the second designer dress in two days. Excellent. Seems innocent enough. he drops her at the hotel and she says to call her when he goes to LA. This might not be the last of Skuzzer!!

In the Paris hotel the girls talk about leaving and Whitney admits that she's ready for a change. Will she be leaving Teen Vogue?

Now everyone says their goodbyes. Spencer leaves Heidi in CO and Whit and Lauren leave Paris for LA. That's it!

This season on The Hills: Whitney quits. Brody's new girlfriend. Lo. Stephen. Spencer. Justin Bobby. ShePratt. Heidi. Audrina. And that was awesome! Oh, I can't wait. This has been a mega-long recap, but it was an hour long episode. If you read the whole thing, then hooray for you. And I'll see ya next week!

I'm Not Watching

I am declaring it right here, right now. I will not be watching Dancing With The Stars this season. I just can't do it. I watched the past 3 seasons and I can't put that much time into a show anymore. It's not even as if I'm too busy to watch. I'm not. But it's a show that requires a lot of time to watch. Typically 3 hours a week spread over 2 days. Well, I'm sorry DWTS, but I can't do it anymore.

Mostly, my reasons for this decision are because the cast is totally lame this season. With the exception of Steve Guttenberg, who is only a good pick because, uh, where has been been all these years?! The mystery will finally be solved. But I don't care enough to watch and find out because I'm sure I'll get sucked in to the show if I tune in for even an hour. So, I won't be watching a single minute.

Hot Mess Tranny Fierceness

Watch this. It's funny...if you like Project Runway.

That was close!

I was in the midst of a crisis earlier this morning. I forgot my chapstick! Maybe you don't know, but I have chapstick with me all the time. My lips are used to it, it's a full blown addiction. Can I just tell you the fear that crept into my body when I realized I'd forgotten it? It was horrifying. I immediately had to strategize how to either get my original tube back or find a new one. Call Eric at home and have him bring it on his way up to campus? It seemed a little extreme, but don't think I didn't consider it.

I finally decided that I would have to buy something else for today (and create a backup chapstick...why am I only just now thinking of this?!). So, out I went to White Market, a little independent drug/grocery store fairly close to the Theater. That place is pretty cool - they have a bunch of stuff, just not a ton of varieties of it, which is why I had to compromise and buy the Classic type of chapstick instead of the Moisturizer type. Sometimes we have to make sacrifices, ya know? It was my best option. I paid $1.92 for that little miracle tube and I would have gladly paid $20.

Project Runway: Heidi's Hilarious

Almost all Reunion Shows are duds. I usually don't look forward to them at all. I can't say that I was especially looking forward to last night's Project Runway Reunion Show, either. But boy, was I pleasantly surprised! I'll tell you why: Heidi Klum. She is funny. Not like a comedian is funny, but like how you find that the things that little kids do are funny - because they don't know any better. They have no censor. Heidi is sort of like that. Last night's quote: "Victorya's always been a little cold, no?" Said right in front of Victorya! Cut to Victorya - STONE COLD. All in all the show was OK. Heidis' remarks made it enjoyable, and the fact that Christian was awarded fan favorite was nice, since he also cracks me up (ie: Ferocia Coutura, fierce, ohmygod, etc.). But it was just filler until next week's episode where we get to see at least Rami and Chris's 3 designs! My money's on Rami. And I actually think that Jillian will make a strong showing to become the winner. Any other predictions??

What's the fun in that??

I used to love the snow. Mostly, I loved snow days. Playing in the snow got to be a bit ridiculous once I reached my teen years. But I would still look forward to forecasts of snow when I lived in Arkansas because it usually meant no school and possibly, no work! Those were good times.

Well, people in Michigan have their sh** together, I guess. Not once since I've moved here has the snow done me one bit of good. Up here, people are ready for the snow with snow blowers and snow plows and salt for sidewalks. There's hardly time for building snow men before the roads are cleared and sidewalks dusted with salt. Today, in fact, it snowed all day long. Sure, it was pretty, but in the back of my mind I'm thinking, "Ughh, I have to walk to the bus stop in a foot of snow...the buses will probably be running late...and I have to get up tomorrow morning and do the same thing because nothing ever closes due to snow up here!" I ask you, what's the fun in that?!

But you know who hates the snow even more than I do?

Sloane. She hates it. I obviously don't blame her for hating it, and she's got it 100x worse. She doesn't have the luxury of wearing shoes, so her tiny little paws get cold and snow packs in all the nooks. She typically manages about 10 feet before begging to be picked up when we go for her "business" walks. Today she wouldn't even do her business! I think we'll be paying for that later.

UGH

I missed American Gladiators last night and I was kind of upset about it. That is what the writer's strike has done to me. When will it END??????

Not even Heidi's new video...

...can bring either of you out of blogging retirement?! For shame. Have you seen this thing yet? I made it about a minute before I had to turn it off. If you haven't watched it yet, just google "humiliation" and I'm sure you'll find it at the top of youtube's home page. And that's saying quite a bit considering the content of most of youtube videos. I can't even begin to describe how embarrassed I am for her. My theory is that Spencer released it after he realized that she was never going to marry him. Granted, he is a weasel, but I think she should have just married him and saved herself the embarrassment of this headline, for instance: "You're No Paris Hilton." Burn.

PS. Ya'll had better get back on the blog!

Namaste

There I am...doing yoga on top of a mountain. Well...I should be clear - that is not actually me. But I have started doing yoga! Close enough.

I asked for some yoga equipment for Christmas (a mat and a couple of blocks) and I am finally putting them to use. My goal is to get up early on Mon, Wed, Fri and do a 30 minute routine. So far this week, I've accomplished my goal.

What's great is that I found some awesome yoga programming on Comcast OnDemand. There's not only yoga, but also some cardio workouts and most are in the 20-30 minute range, which is perfect. And what's also nice about this workout is that I don't have to leave the house and face the bitter Michigan cold.

Basically, I'm feeling one with my chakras and in balance with the universe. It's pretty awesome. Namaste.

MTV Reality

One word. Coral. She's back and she's better (and more botox'd) than ever! Have you seen the previews for The Gauntlet 3 yet? It looks insane. All the crazy people are back for this one. I'll be watching, that's for sure. And I would watch even if it weren't for the writer's strike. Yeah, I said it.

Also, I hope that you're watching Rob & Big. This season seems a bit outlandish, but I don't really mind. Where else are you going to see turtle races (Speedy Cla-cla-cla-cla-claxton), pool murals, shooting Spidey with a net gun, mini horse races and doonbuggeys on the same show? NOWHERE! The slow-mo replay of Speedy sliding down the stair ramp was the funniest moment of TV since the "D*** In a Box" sketch on SNL. If you haven't seen it yet, why the hell not? Nothing else is on!

Untimely

The news of Heath Ledger's death has been on a lot of web sites and blogs, so I won't dwell on it. But it is very shocking and sad. Especially for his family and friends. While I was reading about it yesterday, I found this article that talks about how the AP has asked for a few obituaries for "at risk" Hollywood stars under 30. Britney Spears happened to be the first one they requested. If that's not a wake up call for Britney or her family, I don't know what is.

Hold that bus!

I ride the bus. Yes, I use public transportation. While I consider myself to be pretty eco-friendly, the reason I ride the bus is not entirely because I like reducing my carbon footprint. There's no free parking downtown where I work and it's just convenient for me to hop on the bus. It picks me up outside our apartment entrance and drops me off right in front of the theater. So easy! And it's free! There are no downsides!

Until tonight...when I missed the bus on my way home from work.

Oh sure, everything's rosy when you catch the bus. But when you miss the bus you realize that there are in fact very few options available for you to get home. Which is why I made the tough decision tonight to walk the 2 miles home.

You know what? It was surprisingly OK. Sure, it was cold (about 30 degrees) and yes, it was dark, but Ann Arbor is pedestrian-friendly, so it was well-lit and I had my ipod to distract me from the notion that I was getting more exercise today than the entire last year combined. Which means I can cross "work out" off my to-do list for 2008! Yes! Now that I'm all set with exercise, I think I'll try and catch the bus the rest of the year.

Long Time, No Post

I know, it's hard to believe, but it has been almost a month since my last post. So with that in mind, I must warn you ladies that this post will probably be one of my longest. In fact, I think I'll have a couple of mini-posts within this one. There is just so much to share!

A Total Wreck:

No, unlike the rest of the world, I'm not referring to Britney Spears, I'm talking about my little brother's car. I have attached a photo:


Chase was hit as he drove home from school on Thursday, causing his car to flip. He is fine and we are very grateful for that. Now to the funny part of the story (now that we know he is fine, we can find the humor in it) - He called Rusty after it happened to tell him he had a wreck, but failed to mention to Rusty that as they spoke, he was hanging upside down in his car. Rusty only found out Chase's car had flipped once he called the police to make sure they were on their way to the accident and they told him they were on their way to a roll-over. Chase basically hung upside down until the authorities arrived on the scene to help him get out.


Stupid, Cheap, Ghetto-Purse:
I have always been a firm believer in the old saying, "You get what you pay for." So I honestly don't know why I thought it would be a good idea to buy this stupid cheap purse in Dallas. Don't get me wrong, I really like the look of the purse and enjoyed that I could hold it on my forearm and it wasn't a bucket bag. I even overlooked the cheap leopard print on the inside of the purse.I told myself, "I'll just keep it zipped up and you'll never know it's in there."
Sounds like a great solution, right? WRONG. See, here is the thing, when you buy cheap purses they don't last very long and it's usually the fault of the zipper. Take this purse for example, I bought this purse on December 30, while shopping in Dallas. The dang zipper broke on the purse on January 11, while I was on my way to work. And the best part? The reason the zipper broke is because it got caught on the cheap leopard print lining of the purse. So now I have reverted back to my Tano, and have decided that I will never carry a cheap purse again. Let do the math: You can spend a smaller amount on a cheap purse, but you'll probably only carry it for two weeks, or you can spend a little bit more on a nicer purse and carry it for years. It really all boils down to the cost-per-ware and believe me, the "CPW" on my Tano, is much lower than the "CPW" on that stupid, cheap thing.
Moral of the story: Less is NOT more when it comes to matters of the wardrobe.

Top 15 songs of 2007

For me, 2007 differed from most other years because I didn't watch MTV in the morning before work. I have a rocky relationship with MTV. I wish they would play more music videos all day, but I learned to live with only being able to see them in the morning before work. Well, they've almost entirely stopped airing videos at that time anymore. Even when they do, it's mostly rap and emo/punk/whatever that doesn't interest me. So, I had to rely on other sources to introduce me to new music this year. One of them was a local radio station here (107.1) that plays a lot of new music by singer/songwriters, which is what I've come to really like. Eric also introduced me to a good deal of new music this year. I really have no idea where he finds the stuff, but he'll say he's found something that he thinks I'll like and usually he's right. Here's my list of the top 15 songs that I liked listening to this past year. Most of the albums were released in '07, but I got a late start on others.



There you have it! I would highly recommend the albums by Ryan Adams, Feist, Neko Case (hers is from 2006) and Amy Winehouse. Overall, they were my most listened to albums of the year. I hope that others would post their top 15, 10, 5 or whatever songs for the year - I'm interested in what others are interested in!

No Job = Even More TV

And since TV blows, let's talk about a few commercials. I just saw a DirectTV commercial that looked locally produced, so I doubt you will have the great fortune of seeing it for yourself. Two young boys are playing with a race car track in their living room. Their dad is watching/playing as well. Suddenly, the boys get up and say "We're bored, dad. We're going outside." The dad appears heartbroken. Heartbroken that his boys would resort to such devices as "outside." He immediately thinks to call DirectTV in order to make sure that they can have enough channels so the boys won't ever be bored enough to go outside again. It's officially the worst commercial out there right now.

Running a close second is another local gem, this time for a local TV station's website. It's a close-up shot of a printer that spits out pages. Each page has a few words that by the end of the commercial, tells how their website is better than the other local TV station sites. You're probably having a hard time picturing this commercial because you're thinking "surely it's not just an old printer spitting out page after page with a few words on it." Well, it is. What kills me is that more often than not, it's followed immediately by a "Go Green" promo for the same station.

Last week USA had a Psych marathon for an entire day. I watched a few episodes and I had no idea that advertisers expected millions of old people close to their death watching as well. During every single commercial break, and I'm not exaggerating, there was a commercial for life insurance. They were as bad as you would expect for daytime TV with most of them beginning with two people talking about funeral costs. I just found it odd that they were on during a Psych marathon. I just don't see Psych as a show that older Americans enjoy. But maybe I'm wrong.

What the Hellga?

Last night, Eric and I tuned into the premiere of "American Gladiators." Whatever, don't judge us! If you haven't seen the old American Gladiators, then you're missing out on some great sports entertainment. We had to see if this new version was even half as good as the classic. The bad news is, it's not. Let me explain why the new version is much, much worse:

1. The arena. A lot of the games are actually the same. There's the Gauntlet, Joust, that one with the rings, and of course, The Eliminator. The problem lies in the space they allowed for the construction. There's obviously a lot of reuse in the games. The Wall also doubled for the start of the Eliminator and I get that it makes sense to try and save on space. But when the Rings has about 6 rows to choose from, it's just no fun. The classic version had about 30 rows, it seemed! That really allows a player to think out a strategy and outwit the Gladiators. Not so much with the new version - there's hardly time to think before you're face-to-face with a huge gladiator.

2. The hosts. Hulk Hogan and Laila Ali. Let me tell you, even combined they are no Larry Czonka! And they've increased the number of player interviews, going so far as having Hulkster interview each contestant BEFORE the event and Laila interview them RIGHT AFTER the event. Just shut up, already! I don't need to hear how excited and pumped up a player is to beat the Gladiator. And even worse is talking to the players right after. What do you want them to say? Half the contestants on the show are cocky SOBs who talk themselves up so much it's almost impossible to take them seriously, anyway. Don't put a microphone in their face every chance you get. And for reals, Hulk Hogan is terrible. His trademark, "Brother!" is inserted at the end of every sentence (when talking to the gentlemen, of course) and it drove me insane. Where's the Czonka-strator, anyway?

3. The contestants. I don't think I can blame the show for this, but all the contestants are really arrogant and obnoxious now. I think this is due in part to how people in general have changed over the years. From businessmen to professional athletes, everyone makes a much bigger deal about themselves now. Back in the day, people were more humble and gracious. And I realize that I'm 25 years old and it doesn't make sense for me to say that, but I watch reruns, people, and I know how it was!

I will say that the one positive thing that the show has going for it is that all of the Gladiators are absolutely terrifying. Much more so than the classic version, where you could tell that the Gladiators were mostly just beefed up guys and girls who took their job seriously in a good-natured way. This time around, I feel as if the Gladiators are all basically crazy. They have that look in their eye that they want to eliminate the competition at any cost. I was legitimately scared of at least 5 of them, 4 of them guys.

In short, with nothing else to watch this TV season, I could be persuaded to watch again mostly to make fun of it, and maybe with the sound off. But it won't make it as part of the (dwindling) rotation, brother!

Ommmmm...

I went to the fitness center at our apartment complex this morning. Try not to laugh at that opening statement. Anyway, I peered into the glass door and saw that with the exception of some flip flops, the rooms appeared empty. Feeling safe, I opened the door and walked in. Much to my surprise there was a man meditating in front of the mirror. It was completely silent in that room. Imagine how loud it must have been as I poured myself some water from the water cooler. When I stepped on the elliptical, I felt like I had just dropped a hundred pots and pans on a hard kitchen floor. The man didn't move.

I went on with my workout and he eventually finished up his meditation and left. Initially I was feeling terrible for interrupting him. The elliptical machine was so loud in that quiet little room. By the time he left though, I had decided that a fitness center is no place for meditation and, if anything, he interrupted my workout by making me feel like I had to be silent. Okay, maybe that's a bit much, but still, go meditate in a private space next time.

Who would have guessed?

I hate to have to be the one to tell you this...but it looks as if Pam Anderson and current husband Rick Solomon might be getting divorced. I know, I know...I didn't see it coming either, but sometimes you give it all you have and still it doesn't work. These kids tried their best. They dated for about a month and gave marriage a shot for oh, what? about 60 days? Listen, that's twice as long as they dated, so I think it's a miracle it lasted as long as it did.

One thing I can say about ol' Pammy is that she never disappoints. For example, look at all the people disappointed in Jamie Lynn Spears. It's tough, and yet, it's her own fault for pretending to be a good ole girl with a hit show on Nickelodeon who was so much more sane than Britney it was hard to believe they were related. And yet. Oh, how the tables have turned. She set the standards too high and couldn't quite live up to it. On the other hand, we have Pam. First off, Pam's been married like 7 times. And about half of those are to Tommy Lee, because face it, those two are meant to be together. Second, she doesn't have the best taste in men. She likes the skuzzers. She finds them appealing for some odd reason. But what I will say is that I never for one second expected her marriage to last, and at least I'm not disappointed in her!

OK, look, I tried to put a positive spin on it, I really did. I wasn't too keen on the idea of her getting married in the first place and now this is just the icing on the cake. I told you so, Pam! Oh, and for the gamblers out there, my money's on Tommy Lee for the next go-round!

Aristocrats and Royalty!

...Wait...Uh...is it?...OVER?? Are you kidding me with that finale? What even happened?? Lame.

Here's the breakdown: Whitney was invited to Paris and Lauren pouted about not getting invited even though she pretended to understand why she wasn't asked. Some dude named Kimball (who looked super thrilled to be there) came down from NYC to take Whitney to a grand ball full of aristocrats and royalty. Oh...OK. That sounds legit. How about you just come right out and say that the "aristocrats" are the Hilton sisters and the "royalty" is Sir Mix-a-lot. Don't try and dress it up, Teen Vogue.

Heidi and Spencer are still recovering from their fight. All of their fights are the same. Why don't they ever resolve anything? They argue about their wedding, Spencer leaves and gives Heidi "space" and then comes back and calls Heidi some ridiculous nickname like "stranger" and gives her flowers and thinks that that solves something. You have to actually talk things out, you idiots. So, anyway, Heidi bares her soul to Work Friend and even I'm confused when she says she "gave up everything" to be with Spencer. You gave up Lauren. Was she everything? You still have your job, your clothes and you even gained a new nose and some boobs! Talk about a sacrifice. Gah!

ShePratt meets up with an obviously lonely and alone Spencer at a coffee shop and tells him that he should email Heidi. Genius. Has this girl ever been in a relationship? Why not just IM her? Let's just take the easiest route we can to apologizing. I think a text message should suffice. Surprisingly, Spencer heads on down to Bolthouse in person and finally the receptionist recognizes him! But, Heidi sends Work Friend to tell him she left for the day! Whoa! That is ice cold! Because of course, Heidi is still at work, spinning away in her huge chair.

Here comes the shock of the season! Are you ready? Oh, it's almost too much... Lauren gets to...go to...PARIS! I know! You had never guessed, right?! Such a huge surprise! The sad part about all of this is that MTV thinks that we give a crap that Lauren gets to go to Paris. This could have been just another episode where she gets invited and they film them at the airport leaving and then cue some "French" music and a random plane arriving back to LAX where they get off the plane wearing berets and eating croissants. How is my idea any worse than what actually happened? Oh, because she "made a decision" about Brody? Whatever! She's just putting that off until after Paris. It's not as if Paris is some magical land where all your problems are solved and you come back with all the answers. Brody's still going to be there, with his phone full of girls numbers, giving Lauren mixed signals and wearing under eye concealer. Plus, Lauren can't be going for very long because she didn't pack all that much (except for the 20 pairs of shoes). My guess is she is going for all of a week.

Finally, and this is maybe bigger than the news of Lauren going to Paris (not possible, right?) - Speidi are giving each other some space. Heidi's headed back to Colorado to whine about how Spencer is an idiot. And Spencer will go back to his parents' house to try and finish a book for a change. One of the inexplicable things about their relationship is how they say they are so in love, but neither one of them seemed to care if they separated for a while. Spencer, for one, looks as if he's about to take a nap and Heidi looks as if she can't remember whether or not she packed her socks yet. If we are to believe that reality continues after the cameras stop rolling, then we can still see that Speidi are still together. How long ago was that Taco Bell stuff? That had to have been after the show stopped filming right? I can't believe that MTV would miss an opportunity like that. But, for now, it seems that the Speidi Wedding is on the back burner.

I haven't watched the After Show yet, but I did read that the BIG announcement was that the season isn't quite over yet. Apparently my dream of getting to watch the girls eat croissants and wear berets will be fulfilled! Now I feel better since this episode wasn't technically the finale. They had better make it up to us with the Paris episodes!